sunday

ya know that feeling when you have a really fun time, then you get home and either later that night or the next day, you sort of have withdrawl from that?  i’m having that hardcore today, and it’s making me doubt myself.  not really sure why.

i’m afraid to get close to someone, i think.  i let down my walls a bit for the first time since august, and it spooked me.  I’m standing up for myself a lot more lately, not putting up with shit from people that pisses me off, making choices for me instead of for others, but that also makes it easier to put up the walls.  how do you know you’re not going to get burned?  how do you decide who’s worth the risk?  worth that investment?

i’ve been REALLY bad at judging who’s deserving of that, and gotten massively shat upon over the past year. my radar’s clearly fucked.

is there a checklist?  a how-to? a scanner of some kind to know if things are going to turn out ok, or if it’s best to keep people at arm’s distance? 

i really wanna believe again.

these are the types of entries that make me REALLY pissed at jeannie.

i don’t deserve to be this scarred at my age, do i?