oye.

 i let down my guard a bit, and the anxiety found a new trigger.  

i’m sensing the first bits and pieces of how this shit starts up again, and it’s scaring me shitless.  

i fell back into a very bad habit tonight, and as soon as i was done with that "are you sure?" phone call, i broke down.  sat in the parking lot trying to get myself in i do *NOT* want to go back down that path and ruin what might be something special.  
 
i’m really thankful i have an appt with tina tomorrow.  i made it just as precautionary measure, and it couldn’t come at a better time.
 
oh, and to top it all off, my mom lost her job today, so i’m pretty much the only one supporting the family now.  how scary is that?

someone remind me i can get a handle on this thing before it grows too big again.  i dont want a repeat of some of the flashbacks going through my head right now.

INVICTUS

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul. 

William Ernest Henley