my wednesday/thursday

 so wednesday night, i went out on an ugly sweater bar crawl.  my ugly sweater had christmas lights in it, that worked.  battery operated christmas lights in my sweater.

got schwasted, danced on booths (not tables, cause i’m still a large dude, but booths), etc.  drank way too much with way too little food.

woke up at 8 the next morning, unable to move, went back to bed after calling in sick for the first half of the day.

wake up again at 11.  i’ve got a consultation with the oral surgeon (getting my wisdom teeth out next week) in 15 minutes.  i scramble to take a shower, get out the door about 11:10, tell them i’m going to be late.  hop in my car and off i go.

i get about 5 minutes away from my house, hit a slick spot on the road and spin my car out 360 degrees in the middle of the road.  somehow i didn’t hit anyone or anything.  no curbs, no trees, no cars, nothing like that. i get turned around, shaken, and head back toward where i’m supposed to go, but notice that any time i get over 30mph, my car starts shaking violently.  i make it to my oral surgeon around 11:30 (having to drive 50mph on the highway didn’t help)

after the appt, i take it to the car shop, still hungover as fuck, still shaking violently, had waited 20 minutes at McDonald’s to get something greasy in my stomach.

got to the shop, they gave me a ride back to work, got to work around 1:30.

worked on the same project i’ve been working on since forever and a half before taking a cab back to pick my car up at 4:30.

turns out there was just snow and ice stuck inside the rim of my tire, and that was causing the issue.

got home, still feeling like garbage.
went and watched a movie with a friend, good end to a good night.

woke up this morning, still with an upset stomach…  when i get this tired and feel this unwell, it triggers anxiety, which has been on me pretty hard today…

had to take ativan at work, and about to take another mg right now.  really frustrated at myself, doubting myself.  falling back into the habit of trying to do it ‘right’ instead of just flowing.  i’ll do 2 or 3 flowy things in a row, then sort of the rubber-band effect will kick in, and the ‘wtf does it all mean’ mental side happens.  i want to do whatever’s going to get me closer to things that make me happy.  and i really suck at seeing the future, and don’t know if things i’m doing now are helping or hurting the likliehood of that.

you guys really don’t need to hear all of this.  i’m gonna go to bed now.  peace.