11/28/2010

i feel like things are changing without my consent, or my input.  people are drifting, cutting me out bit by bit.  people are sort of putting me in little boxes i’m not comfortable with, my world’s getting segregated into groups and cliques and shit, and i’m not OK with it.  i feel like i’m getting stereotyped, and then when that stereotype is played out, i’m getting cut off.

i feel like i’ve got a better idea of myself now than i have at any point in my life, and i’m wondering if people around me can’t see that, and if so, why?

i get so frustrated when people put me into a box, into a ‘zone’, into a template, into a stereotype, into a ‘role’…  maybe it’s irrational, but it doesn’t feel that way.  i’ve spent my entire life as a role player, as a supporting character.  i wish people would start to see me as a whole person.  people haved stopped having a ‘use’ for me, and thus, i don’t hear from hardly anyone.  the next time they need something? (tech help, computer fixing, sports info, whatever it is) then they’re all back up in my area all "hey, whats up??"

and i dont have the balls to tell them to fuck off, cause i’m scared of losing what few friends i do have left…  i also get extremely offended when they quit even trying to use me for those things.  if you’re going to treat me like a commodity, at least use me for the commodity i am.

this is how sundays go for me.

goodnight.