Hitting the bottom…

Man….I am so depressed right now! I did the most awful thing EVER last night! I cut myself and I don’t really know WHY! I had no real excuse to do that except that I was just really depressed (but that’s not really an excuse either…it should have happened!).
I seem to be falling apart lately. I’m just losing that fire I had. Why? A question that only God could maybe answer…or anyone that actually understands. I don’t want my life to be this way!
My wrists still hurt…it makes me more sad to look at it or to even know that it’s there! WHY DID I DO SOMETHING SO STUPID!!!! It was….it should have happened! I have no idea what I was thinking! I don’t need to be doing this! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I can do the most pathedically dumb things, ya know? It should have NEVER happened! God, I really do feel stupid….and more hurt than usual. It makes me think of all the people that cut themselves and I just really feel sorry for them. Because I don’t know how they make it through life cutting themselves and feel better about it afterwards. Because when I did it, it made EVERYTHING worse!!! It was giving me thoughts and memories that I didn’t want there!!! It didn’t solve anything and cutting never does…with anyone. I mean, it was the thing that I was trying to help people get over and yet I DID IT LAST NIGHT!!! That is NOT something that I would want to look at myself as. I don’t want to be known as a cutter. At all. That’s not me! Thyat’s not me at all!! So why am I starting now?!

Please…I need someone to pray for me…please? I am hitting rock bottom and I need God to help me through my bad time. I need him a lot. It would mean so much if I had someone to pray with me. Thank you so much. I love you all very much. You all take care and may God be with you.

In Loving Spirits,
~Amber~