Funny, Isn’t It

I feel like a child.  I don’t really spend a lot of time in OD anymore – not like I use to.  The only reason I come back is to see if the one person that got me into OD years ago would be here…but they’re not.

I guess I was hoping to share a moment of nostalgia with this person.  When I see them any where else, my heart feels like it’s fluttering and stopping all at once.  A part of me feels like that if I saw them here, it would make me feel like I had some sort of closure that they really cared about me in some way.  A wish that I will never get.

It’s stupid, I know.  I mean – it’s really stupid.   It’s like my young teenage self wants to believe and hope for it to come true…and my adult self  comes back and says, “Don’t get your hopes up.  It won’t happen.”

Yet my younger self continues to remember how happy I was spending time with this person in the lunch room in middle and we were just talking, holding hands, sharing the moments we enjoy out of life, etc.  It was probably the purest and innocent side of love that I’m not going to experience in life ever again…but it was great while it lasted.

I’ve moved on now, though I haven’t forgotten…. Still… a small part of me wishes I could experience that with this person one last time.