Can’t sleep and it’s frustrating!

Hey guys….I can’t sleep. My mind’s been thining too hard lately…mostly right now on one thing. Gah! But that thought is so stupid! I dunno….I really don’t…

I mean, It’s about a person that I really care about. I know that I like this person, but nothing can ever happen because we are so far away…and I’m not worth it. Gosh, I spend most of my time thinking of that person and it won’t go away!!! I’m am so sick of it! I’m tired of thinking about it and yet I can’t stop. I’ll try to think of something else but it doesn’t work. I want to move on and have a life because I know that I’m never worth having or wanting. Everytime I get close to something, I either move away or get betrayed…ect. It’s not fair. This person I have liked since I was 13 years old…I’ve looked at this person in the eyes before and there were moments where I wanted to tell them everything. About how much I love them…how much they mean to me…how much I am willing to do for them…I mean, I would tell them that they are worth the world to me…

…but you know though…I’ll let that person decide. If this person never picks me and calls their own, than all I want is for them to be happy. Because I really care enough about them to want that. Yes, maybe it’s not completely what I want…but it’s what THAT person wants and I won’t stand in their way. I wish so much for this person to love me…because I have faith everyday that I’ll see this someone again. My heart hurts everyday for that person…I miss him so much…
I can’t believe how long I’ve carried out these feelings…and I still can’t seem tto let them go. I’ll try to get rid of them but the thought of my life without him hurts more than anything I have ever felt. Lord, why can’t I get over it??? Why can’t you just let me let him go? I want to understand…I have never felt this way about a guy before. Almost ALL the guys I see don’t catch my eye. They all act the same, talk the same…they all act like how a man is suppose to act…and yet I have feelings for this one. Why? 
…Man I remember when those feelings just came gushing inside of my heart. I couldn’t breath, concentrate…my heart felt like that it got bigger than it normally was.I felt my face get hot…I started shaking because I was scared. I had never felt that way before….and those feelings are still there…still the same. Not once is there a day that goes by where I don’t think of him…

…man I’m such a loser…

Well, I’m gonna go. This is hurting me talking about it…but I just needed to get this off my chest. I love you all so much. Take care and God bless you always.
In Loving Spirits,
~Amber~ 
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