Current thoughts…

It’s March 21, 2023 at 11 pm;

Recently I have left my normal 9-5 job due to a toxic work environment. There were a couples of jobs I experienced that worked in the same fashion. It sucked the soul out of me. The experiences I went through were belittling, being yelled at or threatened in front of costumers or patients, being watched and/or followed, and the constant questioning as why I did something. I always felt like I was under the microscope. I know I am not perfect. We are not meant to be. I always tried to improve and put my best foot forward, but that wasn’t enough. I learned at an early age I was taught to take pride in my work and be passionate about it. I’m a life learner and always happy to provide a service to others, but my mental health was starting to ween. I have a lot of healing I need to do to and mend the wounds of the past. Which is way I left my job.

About 12 years ago I lost my oldest sister Nicole. She committed suicide at a young age of 21. It was the hardest time of my life, but it taught me that my mental health is the highest priority. I started to feel really low to the point of wanting to commit suicide, so I didn’t feel the pain of being a failure to myself and everyone around me. I knew I needed to be here for my nieces, my sister, my parents and of course my husband. I allowed people to walk over me by not forming boundaries and letting people weigh my happiness and success in their hands. I needed the acceptance from others to feel whole when I knew damn well, I wasn’t filling my cup. So here I am working for door dash. Making my own hours and healing my heart.

In this present moment I do feel lost but slowly becoming happier and more confident. I always try to look at the experiences I had as a valuable lesson. It’s a struggle but it’s my own and not at the hands of others. Going forward my mantra is going to be “My life is my own, it’s a beautiful journey. So, breath and enjoy.” It’s quite difficult at times, but I know I’m not alone. I always look at my life as “exciting” but it gives me the pleasure of enjoying the slower moments. I’ve been looking towards articles, books and videos to help steer me in the right direction. Who knows if it’s the right call but I have to try something. I just know I’m sick and tired of being low.

I will continue to keep you guys updated on my progress but would be happy to hear your guy’s life and progress. Love you guys all!💗