A penny for my thoughts would help a lot.
Isn’t it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?
Douglas Adams
Life is bullshit sometimes. After borrowing money from my sister, getting a gallon of gas, buying food for the pets, and paying the internet bill…we have one whole dollar left. Fun…
The internet bill had to take priority, because without it Jonathan can’t work and I can’t FIND work. Plus our phones are already shut off, so it’s the only way people can contact us, and vice versa. We also can’t sell anything to make money without the internet.
I really have no idea what I’m going to do about work, I can’t find anything on Craigslist at ALL, and no one around us is hiring. The few places that are hiring I don’t have enough gas to get to…I’ve been writing some AC articles and I guess I’m just going to have to start writing a lot more and spreading them around a lot so I get more page views.
___
I took a break from writing this entry to make some spaghetti, and it turned out weird. I think I just don’t like the meat Ragu at all, because the last spaghetti I made turned out weird, too, and it’s usually fine.
Anyway, back to what I was saying…we’re super broke. I’m staying okay with it, though, and haven’t spent too many days super depressed. I’ve spent a few pissed off at the world, but that’s okay, because when I get angry I usually do something productive, whereas with depression, I want to do absolutely nothing. I’ve had a few bad days recently where I’ve missed my mom more than usual, and there’s usually nothing I can do about that sadness but just let it consume me for a bit. I can’t just make myself feel better about the fact that I’ll never see her again, and how bad it aches…I just have to wait until the feeling eases up a bit.
I’ve also spent a lot of time lately worrying (which is entirely pointless) about whether or not I CAN get pregnant when we start trying. I have this incredible fear that I’m not going to be able to in a while, so that if I don’t soon, I’ll never get the chance. I don’t know why it’s such a huge fear for me…if it’s just because it’s something I want so badly, or my history of womanly problems, or what…
If I can’t get pregnant, I know I would be *okay* with adopting. I mean, what I want is the baby, not really the pregnancy. But the idea of not carrying my baby, OUR baby, and never getting to know what our baby would look like or be like…absolutely crushes me. That’s why I want to start trying SOON, because I know if I don’t and I CAN’T get pregnant, I’ll always wonder if I would have been able to if I started sooner.
I really don’t know why I’m always so worried about it, though. There’s no history of infertility in my family, my mom had a couple of miscarriages before me, but she was in her 30s when she had them, I believe. My grandma only had my dad, but I don’t really know if that was personal choice or because she couldn’t have anymore children, and my mom is one of 7 so there’s obviously no fertility problems on that side…My sister had no problem getting pregnant, my cousins all have babies, etc…so I’m sure I worry too much, but it’s hard to tell myself that when I’m actively worrying. I suppose it could be the fact that so many I know have had a lot of trouble getting and staying pregnant, so it seems like a valid fear in my mind.
I need a shower, I’m freezing.
You’re quite a bit younger than me and I didn’t have my first baby until right before I turned 34. It took years to get pregnant too. And then I got pregnant again. Age isn’t always a big thing. It sounds like you’ve got a ton on your plate right now. Kids are expensive and a lot of work, trust me, now is SO not the time. J needs to get in a career and have something steady, otherwise you will be stuck in a rut of poverty and difficulty and that sucks when you have kids. Not trying to sound snobby, it’s just the way it is.
Warning Comment
You’re quite a bit younger than me and I didn’t have my first baby until right before I turned 34. It took years to get pregnant too. And then I got pregnant again. Age isn’t always a big thing. It sounds like you’ve got a ton on your plate right now. Kids are expensive and a lot of work, trust me, now is SO not the time. J needs to get in a career and have something steady, otherwise you will be stuck in a rut of poverty and difficulty and that sucks when you have kids. Not trying to sound snobby, it’s just the way it is.
Warning Comment
You’re quite a bit younger than me and I didn’t have my first baby until right before I turned 34. It took years to get pregnant too. And then I got pregnant again. Age isn’t always a big thing. It sounds like you’ve got a ton on your plate right now. Kids are expensive and a lot of work, trust me, now is SO not the time. J needs to get in a career and have something steady, otherwise you will be stuck in a rut of poverty and difficulty and that sucks when you have kids. Not trying to sound snobby, it’s just the way it is.
Warning Comment
You’re quite a bit younger than me and I didn’t have my first baby until right before I turned 34. It took years to get pregnant too. And then I got pregnant again. Age isn’t always a big thing. It sounds like you’ve got a ton on your plate right now. Kids are expensive and a lot of work, trust me, now is SO not the time. J needs to get in a career and have something steady, otherwise you will be stuck in a rut of poverty and difficulty and that sucks when you have kids. Not trying to sound snobby, it’s just the way it is.
Warning Comment
You’re quite a bit younger than me and I didn’t have my first baby until right before I turned 34. It took years to get pregnant too. And then I got pregnant again. Age isn’t always a big thing. It sounds like you’ve got a ton on your plate right now. Kids are expensive and a lot of work, trust me, now is SO not the time. J needs to get in a career and have something steady, otherwise you will be stuck in a rut of poverty and difficulty and that sucks when you have kids. Not trying to sound snobby, it’s just the way it is.
Warning Comment
Tough times! I hope something works out for you on the work front. Meantime, there’s lots of voice chat services on the internet. Who needs a phone? Just an extra expense.
Warning Comment
Tough times! I hope something works out for you on the work front. Meantime, there’s lots of voice chat services on the internet. Who needs a phone? Just an extra expense.
Warning Comment
Tough times! I hope something works out for you on the work front. Meantime, there’s lots of voice chat services on the internet. Who needs a phone? Just an extra expense.
Warning Comment
Tough times! I hope something works out for you on the work front. Meantime, there’s lots of voice chat services on the internet. Who needs a phone? Just an extra expense.
Warning Comment
Tough times! I hope something works out for you on the work front. Meantime, there’s lots of voice chat services on the internet. Who needs a phone? Just an extra expense.
Warning Comment
I get what you need, actual phone service, don’t know of any free ones but there are low cost providers like skype, I use vonage but it’s not free. Check this site out I just found! http://evaphone.com/ claims to be a free service to make phone calls from your pc to landline phones.
Warning Comment
I get what you need, actual phone service, don’t know of any free ones but there are low cost providers like skype, I use vonage but it’s not free. Check this site out I just found! http://evaphone.com/ claims to be a free service to make phone calls from your pc to landline phones.
Warning Comment
I get what you need, actual phone service, don’t know of any free ones but there are low cost providers like skype, I use vonage but it’s not free. Check this site out I just found! http://evaphone.com/ claims to be a free service to make phone calls from your pc to landline phones.
Warning Comment
I get what you need, actual phone service, don’t know of any free ones but there are low cost providers like skype, I use vonage but it’s not free. Check this site out I just found! http://evaphone.com/ claims to be a free service to make phone calls from your pc to landline phones.
Warning Comment
I get what you need, actual phone service, don’t know of any free ones but there are low cost providers like skype, I use vonage but it’s not free. Check this site out I just found! http://evaphone.com/ claims to be a free service to make phone calls from your pc to landline phones.
Warning Comment
I worry about leaving it too late, my aunt had a hysterectomy at 28, my grandmother at 40 and another aunt is having the same issues, I understand.
Warning Comment
I worry about leaving it too late, my aunt had a hysterectomy at 28, my grandmother at 40 and another aunt is having the same issues, I understand.
Warning Comment
I worry about leaving it too late, my aunt had a hysterectomy at 28, my grandmother at 40 and another aunt is having the same issues, I understand.
Warning Comment
I worry about leaving it too late, my aunt had a hysterectomy at 28, my grandmother at 40 and another aunt is having the same issues, I understand.
Warning Comment
I worry about leaving it too late, my aunt had a hysterectomy at 28, my grandmother at 40 and another aunt is having the same issues, I understand.
Warning Comment