Waiting.

I guess part of me is sort of surprised i havent had this baby yet. Earlier this year I was praying to make it to the 10th in order to complete my semester without having to make anything up. Now I dont care…haha…but I don’t feel close to labor at all, so its like I’m not worried about making it through till the end of tuesday (my last day of class). And now I’m more worried about waiting and waiting to have this baby, and then running out of time in my winter break. I want to have her ASAP so that I have time at home with her before Jan 6th when I go back.

Although we all kinda agree, going into the hospital thursday night and having the baby Friday morning would be ideal <3

As if we can plan such things!

But, her birthday would be the 13th which we want (for many reasons im sure ive already written). And also it would be best for Pauls work schedule. When we have the baby he will just play it by ear with missing work, but having her over the weekend and then taking his usual Monday and Tuesday off would give him the most time at home with us.

I’m just so excited to have her here now, and not scared at all anymore. I feel like I can do this– mostly because my family has been so incredibly supportive and amazing. They’ve been here long enough that we have a rhythm established and we are 100% comfortable with everything. That inlcudes Lucy being 110% comfortable being with them. I know there wont be any problems. She is going through a little sleep regression right now but I’m hoping it will phase itself out (with some help from my consistency).

The only negative thing right now is that im less optimistic that i will get my natural birth. Only because i’m not very optimistic that I will have this baby on or after the 17th of December. Which means my midwife will most likely not be delivering me, and i will just get whoever is on call, which is whoever couldnt care less about what i want out of my birth experience. I will politely fight for what i think is right for me, but i have a bad feeling i will be rushed, again. Which means uncessessary pitocin, manually breaking my water, being forced to stay in bed during labor, IV’s, an episiotomy, and me–wanting an epidural because of all this and giving into it all. I really think im going to have to just keep preparing myself for the labor and birth that i want, and on the big day, just take it hour by hour and be open minded, and go with the flow. I dont know. Im nervous about that. But i know whichever route this takes it will be OK as long as the baby is OK. I just really wanted my midwife!!! Theres still a chance I guess. I’ll be seeing her on tuesday so I will know more then.