May <3

I have internet again! Amen! 

I am 7 weeks and the "morning sickness" has definitely kicked in this week. I’d say about a week of nausea and food aversions now. I remember with my first pregnancy, all I could eat was toast and peanut butter during this time. My appetite would kick in later on in the day usually, and I got one good meal in a day, and the other two mealtimes were just something like crackers or whatever. Its like that again. I ate a good dinner last night because Paul was home and cooked 🙂 We sat outside at the picnic table with Lucy and ate, then walked down to where there was live music playing.

I love living on this island.

Other than dinner, I didn’t really eat yesterday. I had a slushie….shouldn’t have! So much sugar! But I really want slushies and smoothies now because everything else is too "rich" for my sensitive palette. I know it will pass and its been a little comforting knowing that everything must be going OK- baby growing strong- If I’m feeling so queasy. I’m so tired too, and stiff with back and stuff. I need to see the chiropractor.

Hey- this thing is doing auto spell check now! Awesome!

Any thought of my in-laws still raises my blood pressure, but hey— when has it not? I cant remember back that far. I’m still so mad that they stole our juicer and gave it to brad, sold our bike "for us" and kept the money and lied about it., stole Lucy’s 20.00 bill out of our car, had a nose bleed all over Lucy’s white comforter and instead of telling me, flipped the blanket over where its sat since December, manipulated Paul with this whole iron deficiency car accident business so they could weasel their way down here again….and im just so mad that they are making plans to come back down here for the winter.

I REALLY, REALLY HOPE AND PRAY THAT THE PLANS NEVER GO THROUGH.

They’ve changed their mind about where to stay so many fucking times that I just don’t see them actually committing to something. But then again, Pauls dad has text him recently about yet ANOTHER property they are looking at but its in another part of the state, thank god. But still….his dad never gets involved, and he is actively looking….so that makes me nervous….I really hope they know deep down that I don’t want them here. But I don’t think they care anymore- because Linda never told me the story of her getting in a car accident up north. She told Paul, and said, "so see, I really need to come to Florida. Would it be ok with you guys? I know youre not crazy about it but please can we come down there?" and he was like "yes of course mom". So see, she KNOWS I don’t want them to, because she never said any of that to me. And she got to OK from Paul, so that’s enough for her. Why anyone would go where they are not wanted, I don’t know. But maybe that’s why they are starting to look at cities farther away from us. I hope its like at least 4 hours away. AT LEAST. Nothing that anyone would travel in a day and go back.

But fuck, realistically I don’t want them here at all because then they will be here when #2 is born, and all up in my ass. I wont be able to keep them away as easily. I am still sticking to my plan though—- no matter what they say, assume, or ask— they are not welcome to come here when the baby is born until January, after my brother leaves (if he comes). If he doesn’t come, then they can come after New Years. They will NOT be here for the birth, and they will NOT be here for Christmas. I am not sharing my Christmas with them. I have had the past 5 Christmases with them, and NOT with my family, so this will be my first Christmas with my family in a long time, and I do not want them around for it. I have to do whatever it takes to make sure this happens.

Paul wont care about Christmas, but he will care about his parents being here when the baby is born. Maybe not- but he will be mad if I am purposely trying to keep them away. But my opinion trumps on this one. I will explain to him how intense it is, and how I don’t want any company at all around that time, NO WAY. Having the baby will be a lot for me, a lot of emotions going on, I was a mess and he knows that— so I will just say it gently– sorry babe but I cant have them here during that crazy time, I would rather they come later on, like they did when Lucy was born– and that worked out so well. Maybe he will agree. If not fuck it- cuz they sure as hell aren’t staying with us ever again in our residence. No way, no how.

Why am I doing this to myself right now?? I wasn’t even thinking about them today.

I have one more final exam tomorrow and then I’m done for a couple weeks. I have orientation for the nursing program May 14, 15 and 16 all day, then I start classes on the 21st. the 22nd is my first appointment with the midwife. I am really excited for May. Mostly for the 2 week break (14 days exactly!) and then I get to start the program, and then I get to meet my midwife and see the baby for the first time. I will be 10 weeks on the 21st.

Exciting month ahead!