Got this.

I haven’t written here in a long time, then Paul somehow got on and read some entries and it caused a problem, so then I avoided coming back here again.

I am 33 weeks with baby Isla. Its not easy! I haven’t been feeling that great this past week. I started clinicals, I think that’s why. My schedule got kind of crazy and I wasn’t getting enough physical rest or even mental rest. Monday I leave at 7:30am and I’m gone all day- class until 2, then the hospital after class to get my patient assignment and fill out a bunch of paperwork/homework, then usually some kind of errand, before racing home to pick Lucy up from daycare by 5:00 at the latest. I hate Mondays! My teacher is awful. Then Tuesday and Wednesday I have to get up at 4:45am to get to the hospital by 6:30am. Those days are definitely exhausting, because after I leave I still cant turn my mind off. Not yet anyway- I know its like starting a new job and it really invades your thoughts until you get more comfortable and used to everything. I have a ton of homework to do on my patient each night. Then Thursday I have to drop Lucy off at my moms by 8am, and i’m at class until noon. Not so bad- just a lecture- but im really dragging my ass there and feel so tired by that point. Then Fridays I am working 9am-5pm, just the icing on the cake of a long week! Saturdays I have been trying to take the morning for myself. Not really MYSELF, but more like take the morning to stay in my PJs as long as possible, cuddle with Lucy, and clean my freaking house. Its not always possible because this month especially we’ve had a ton of birthday parties and stuff like that. Today is the Halloween carnival on island and we’re going to that, but not until after nap time, so this morning I’ve been home with Lucy in our jammies cleaning the house all morning. I felt really sick all night and this morning, so I got a late start. Actually last night lucy woke up 3 freaking times, every hour from midnight to 3am, and I could fall back to sleep in between. So that sucked. And I’ve had GI issues for a couple days, and was using the bathroom every damn hour anyway….ive been such a complainer but its always something lately.

I had a splitting headache for 3 days. Not sure why, because I had been taking my vitamins and drinking tons of water. All I can figure is lack of sleep and muscle tension in my neck and shoulders from being all stressed over clincals. Im really trying to rest when I can. But that means always saying no or cancelling any plans with friends or family. I spend a lot of time at my parents when i’m not at school though. Its nice to have them entertain Lucy and cook dinner!! Usually that happens on Thursdays and sundays. Which brings me to Sunday. I’ve been getting up and going to church with them every sunday, then spending the rest of the day at their house doing homework. I need to get better about doing homework. But by the time I get Lucy down at night, I’m so tired I just want to go to bed myself! I’m getting awesome grades on tests though. But its the addition of care plans for clincals that’s gonna get me behind on either sleep or work- one or the other!

Next semester should be so much easier though! I will have a newborn and I was totally freaking out about how I would do all this. But then they posted the schedule for classes and I’m relieved. It wont be easy, but wont be as bad as I thought.

Monday I only have to go from 4-6pm for a lecture. No getting up early!!!!!!!!!!!! What a relief, considering i’ll be up all night with Isla !

Tuesday I have class all day starting at 8:30am. Wednesday I have clincals starting at 6:30am, so this will be my hardest day. Tuesday and Wednesday back to back will be hard. BUT THEN……

I HAVE NO CLASSES THURSDAY OR FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so freaking happy. I have been most concerned about pumping and maintaining my supply to keep up with breastfeeding Isla and not having to supplement. Now that I know my schedule, I know this wont be a problem. Even if Tuesdays/Wednesdays I am only able to pump once the whole day while Im away from her, it wont ruin my supply for the rest of the week if I’m breastfeeding her around the clock on all the other days. I think the most I will be away from her is 6 hours, though I haven’t factored in drive time, but that’s probably about right. NOT a big deal in terms of breastfeeding.

So now i’m not so depressed over the idea of having this baby and being completely overwhelmed and losing my mind. I think I can do this. I can’t wait to meet her now. I am so looking forward to December- sitting by the Christmas tree for a few weeks and not doing a damn thing but cuddling my baby (and my big baby, Lucy).