Babies and junk.

My little goose is RUNNING now, not just walking. And babbling like crazy and says several words (even if only mommy understands).

I dont have much else to update on.

School is going AMAZE-BALLS; I am in a&p I and got a 98 on the first exam and a 97 on the second. I got 89’s on both of the tests though but those are high enough B’s that I doubt they’ll pull my grade down (plus tests are weighted less). Math is going well too, believe it or not, and I got what the professor marked as an "A+" on my first exam. She puts stickers on the top too….weird….whatever though, I’ll take it. 26 years old and getting stickers on my papers. Beats getting grey hairs!

Next semseter I think I will have to take 3 classes which is really 4 with the seporate labs…ugh…I want to and I WOULD if it were not for all the driving involved and time away from sweet Lucy.

We went to a kid’s 3rd birthday party recently and it was so refreshing to be around other parents with kids the same age, or close to. Every single one of them has more than 1 kid, and encouraged us to have another one, not too close together but "dont wait too long". Some of them did 5 years in between and some did 3 or 4 years, and they all said it would have been better to have exactly 2 years in between children–everyone agreed on that, even the parents who actually have 2 years in between their kids. I wish I could say that was possible for us, or likely. I just dont know. Paul is NOT ready to even talk about having another baby. He is saying right now that Lucy will be an only child, and has been saying that since I was pregnant. But ever since that party he hasnt made any more of those comments. I think he’s just mulling it over, letting in sink in. I know I will get really fucking antsy after 2 or 3 years goes by with Lucy. We’re at 14 months now, and I’m definately not ready, but at the same time (and other people have said this a lot and i agree), I feel like I’m getting used to the ease of things now: sleeping through the night, walking, self feeding, not nursing, having more of an adult life again…..I want to be able to enjoy what I worked hard and looked forward to having back (my body, my sex life, etc). But I also dont want to get comfortable for a few years with this easy routine because then having another baby would just jolt us out of this comfort and i dont want to resent the new baby for making my life hard again! If that makes any sense. I know having another baby will be hard, its always hard going back to sleepness nights and stuff, and paul is worried about me being off work for another year plus with a new baby…..but I feel like if we condense these "hard" years of raising young children and living off one imcome, condense it down to just like 4 years instead of spreading it out and making it like 6 or 7 years of stress, it will be easier in the long run. Its so hard to know. Where I’m at with Lucy TODAY seems like a cake walk somtimes, but there are so many phases. I have no idea what the "school age" years are like, with the hours/schdeule, after school activities, hopefully me working as a nurse….everything is constantly in flux when you have growing babies and kids at home. Its the unknown thats scary about adding another baby to the mix. I know for sure I want to eventually but I wonder when the right time would be. If we wait for a right time though, soon enough Lucy will be 8 years old and having another baby will really rock all of our worlds, and we probably would just decide to skip it. I dont want that to happen, I guess is what I’m saying.

I want Lucy to have a sister!!!! Within the next 5 years! Is that too much to ask? I hope that happens for us. I hope me and Paul can get it together.

This is me and Paul at the IceBar in Orlando. The bar is kept at 26 degrees and the whole thing is made out of ice. Its kick ass! Paul has sculped ice for years so it was especially cool for him. He almost did that for a living but the pay isnt there in the long run.

We are still fighting off and on….hot and cold, up and down. Nothing serious, but I guess because we are getting used to having fights that last through one night, then going back to normal in the morning. I really think we need counseling, just to make sure we get through all this (I know money is 100% the primary problem) without doing too much damage to each other. We need a non biased 3rd party to help us muddle through some of these differences. Thats really it. Because we fight in circles and get absolutly nowhere. We still love each other but I think Paul holds a lot of resentment towards me about not working, going to school instead, and not having any money. And I am bitter about his selfishness in that matter, his lack of support of ME in general, and his inattentiveness towards me affection wise, and otherwise. So we are just against each other some times. I know this is temporary but it does get scary.

Time for class.