5 years

FINALLY I figured out how to work this site again. I have tried to write several times, but it wouldn’t let me type in the text box, and the icons for editing weren’t showing. I went to "tools" and then "compatibility view" and it worked! Must be some funky internet settings.

Things have been amazing, but I came here to write tonight because I’m feeling down about TTC. I was hopeful about the days we were able to have sex this month, and I was so happy about all the openness and honestly between us regarding getting pregnant. My period isn’t due until Tuesday, but 3 days before your missed period there is a reasonable chance of getting a pos test. I tested this morning and Neg. That’s ok- because its early. Whats not OK is how much I am PMSing and I know it. I am crampy and there are a few emotional and GI symptoms going on today that are very normal PSM symptoms for me. I feel like my perioid is coming early, rather than feeling pregnant.

Before I found out I was pregnant with Lucy, I felt nothing. Not a thing. I didn’t feel like my period was coming at all. I randomly took a test 3 days before my period was expected and it was faint, but positive. I was shocked because I seriously felt so normal.

Last month, I felt terrible and though I HAD to be pregnant. I don’t know why I was that stupid. But whatever. This time I feel PSM-y again so Im just so doubtful that it worked. I feel like we hit some good days this month too. It should have worked.

I will wait for that dreaded aunt flow to arrive, and not test again unless she is late. Next cycle, I will have to use OPK’s to stop guessing at when I’m ovulating. I didn’t want to- I wanted to stay relaxed and easy going about this, but I know I will use them next cycle if this doesn’t work. That’s the only way to know whats going on.

Praying so hard that I’m wrong, and that I’m pregnant this time.

Sorry that i’m writing this. But its whats bothering me tonight, on our 5 year wedding anniversary! I was joyful about that all day, and I still am, but I’m feeling worse and worse as the day goes on so I had to write about it and get it off my chest.

As far as our anni goes….very sweet, very loving husband I have. We’re not doing anything major but we’ve put a few sentimental touches into our day. I also feel increased disappointment about this pregnancy thing this month because I thought our 5 month anniversary would be the perfect time to find out, and start this next journey together. Still hoping for the best.