02/08/2013

What an exhausting day. Lucy cried like I’ve never seen before when I dropped her off at school this morning. This is day 3 of crying in the morning for no reason, crying at school, crying when i bring her home, then crashing at 7pm. I looked in her mouth and her entire gums are swollen and almost purple in color. Her 1 year molars are cutting through. Poor thing. She is still sleeping well, in fact, 13 hours straight every night while this has been going on. Its emotionally taxing on me though becuase I find myself asking her a million times "what is WRONG lucy? geeze!" So it was rough dropping her off and I stayed so long I was almost late. Then it was crazy busy at work. I didnt stop moving or thinking the whole day. I couldnt take a lunch until 2:00 so I was getting really foggy by that point. Then I was going to be late getting Lucy from school because i couldnt leave the store. I had to call Paul to hurry up and leave work and get her. He was 3 minutes late but they gave us a warning instead of making us pay 3.00 this time. Then I have Lucy with me at work for a half hour. Not easy. Then I promise some dude over the phone that we will be here if he shows up a little after 5 (when we close). Boss was pissed because he was the one who had to wait for the dude after closing, and he sent me home cuz I had Lucy. UGH!!!! I get home, and Lucy is being irrational. Im playing with her and reading books, but she is whining. Boss texts me that I owe him one because he had to stay late and deal with this douche. My whole body hurts. I put Lucy to bed early. PRAISE GOD! She went right down at 7. I usually dont even get her in the tub until 7:10 or so. But we were in the tub at 6:45. Things have gotten better since, with the house to myself, my sweet girl gettng the rest she needs, and I’m thankful tomorrow is Saturday. WHEW>

Talked to Megan. She is about 22 weeks with her 2nd baby. She was really hoping for  boy this time, but found out its another girl. Her husband made her feel worse by saying "well, guess we’re never having boys. this is it!" That made her realize that he is right, and she is upset. Shes also upset because shes upset. She hates feeling this negative feeling when she should be feeling excitement towards the new baby, that she now knows is a girl. I feel really bad for her. I will say though- that I would never allow myself to get pregnant with another baby ONLY hoping for one specific sex. You have to accept that it could be either and make sure you are at peace with that. But Megan really had her hopes up that it would be a boy. I think thats sort of silly….but I dont know. For me- I would be fine either way this time around. If I have a boy, thats cool because its one of each, and its something different because I havent had a boy yet, and it would be great for my husband to have a boy, and whatever. If its a girl, thats cool, because 2 girls would be awesome, and Lucy could have that sister bond with someone, and I wouldnt have to buy any new clothes for the baby! Haha. But really, there are pros to each. I dont know why you would really prefer one over the other. Doesnt make sense to me. But I do understand feeling disapointed and I hope Megan starts feeling better about it soon. I think a good nights sleep tonight will change her heart.

Actually, wait. I think if I had a boy first, and then found out my 2nd baby was a boy too…..I would probably have been devestated. I always wanted a girl. I got lucky and got my girl first, which was a freaking dream come true. I expected a boy, Paul wanted a boy, I was hoping for a boy just for his sake (but deep down wanting a girl), and BAM. I was not expecting them to say it was a girl and I’ve never been happier in my entire life. Now its easy, with #2, because I truly feel that either sex would be so amazing and I wouldnt be dissapointed no matter what. But yes, putting myself in her shoes, I would be crushed if I was never going to have the little girl I dreamed of.

Talked to Emily wednesday night. She has a mild form of PCOS (no weight issues, no insulin resistance, just the messed up uterus and no ovulations). Shes been trying to convieve for well over a year now. She is doing IUI and did back to back inseminations last week, so Satuday and the next few days after that are the days she can test. I am praying that this is it for her. She deserves a baby and I want this for her so badly. Its been such a roller coaster and such a struggle. What a journey they’ve been on. And she just moved too, and doesnt like her new job, and moving back to TC wasnt everything she thought it would be…and of couse last month she lost Adam. Why God choose Emily for all these things, I dont know, other than the fact that she is the STRONGEST PERSON I KNOW. Have I mentioned that before? That doesnt mean she doesnt break down, but Emily is an inpiration to me for "keeping a level head". That girl has her head squarely on her shoulders like no one ive ever met. I miss her so much! I hope God gives Emily a pregnancy before me. It just wouldnt be fair.

Thats about it for tonight.

Xoxo