there and back again

i guess it’s safe to say at this point i’ve started smoking again. cigarettes. never quit the weed…probably never will. its something about working outside though..and the fact that standing idly isn’t just standing anymore. with a smoke in your hand you have purpose..nobody asks you whats wrong or why you are just there. instead they see me and think ‘oh she’s smoking, it’s ok to stand without purpose’. foolish

my guilt of my daydreams pesters me. i think more often than not about what could have been and what is now. i was blessed with a gifted imagination that sometimes takes me too far into a world that can never be.

half way around the world i receive only facebook messages..far and few between. i get the pleasure of writing about my boring job..my adventureless life, what we are doing..which is nothing at all.

most of the time the words ‘fuck it’ slosh around my head. can’t hold on forever, can’t let go soon enough. i’m full of it.

and by ‘it’ of course i mean shit.