taking my own life with wine

beside myself.

we use to lay on the floor in a dizzy haze smiling at each other…bounce ideas of the world through our minds while shifting our hands across our bodies. we use to be…. intimate? intense? when you had a thought you spoke it (when it was beautiful i told you) i’d get into your car and ask you where the night was taking us and you’d simply smile and say “trust me” and we cruze the town wreaking havoc on our conservative, right winged town till the sun came up… night well spent. when you wanted me you took me, when you needed me you called..

3 years later we dont lay on the floor anymore. after the lights go out we curl away- separate blankets, own pillows…. as if on two beds, just really close to each other. our ideas stay in our heads, hands to ourselves…i cant remember the last time ive been had.. the last time you did something just because it reminded you of me..or you knew i’d like it..

i dont need to be needed, i cant help but want to be wanted. human, female, reason it with what you will (hallmark telling me what guys are suppose to be like toward women)but i know what love is.. i use to feel it too..

….. slipping into a consciousness that will help me deal….