5 days straight

i feel like i should say something..anything.. but i cant. we have been sitting in the same room for over an hour and haven’t said a word..and i think he’s enjoying it..but i cant go to bed mad, and i have a feeling im going to spill my guts here soon. i just really really don’t want to.

because the truth is im really starting to suck at this relationship. its a two part gig i get it, but i really feel like i instigate most of it..if not a lot of it.

we both got new jobs, shit we love doing. he works for the city parks department and i got a job at a landscaping company. come to find out his job requires him and some 19 year old chic to drive around in a truck all day not doing shit…and i have more than “major trust issues”..and he never wants to talk about it. which rubs me wrong more than several ways.

and its stupid. and what sucks is i realize its stupid, and i want to let it go, but the voice in my head says “what if”..not to mention we have been at it more than usual. i just..don’t want him to get bored? and im worried that he is…

it seems like everything is an argument.. and i don’t know how to get it back to good.

ps. i have been smoke free for 5 days straight, smoked a pack a day for at least 3 years and quit cold turkey, im just hoping it lasts…