Starting to Come Together

It feels like much more time has passed than just a week. I’m finally starting to feel settled in here. I hadn’t expected to be so homesick and shellshocked. I mean I’m alreayd from a large city, what’s the big deal? And I adjusted really quickly in college, even though I was transplanted into suburbia (a fate much more traumatic IMHO than being put into a big city). I even did fine when I was in Israel, half a world away! But, here, a mere two hours from home in an environment I was born and raised in, I was overwhelmed.

I realized during this past week that there’s a big difference between being bored and being lonely. I’ve always wanted to escape being bored. I’ve gone to such great lengths to do it. And I can honestly say it’s impossible to be bored here! But what I discovered is that where you’re un-bored but without anyone to share it with (lonely) it’s so much worse. It’s very hard to meet new people in a new city. And my part of town is full of trendy bars, restuarnts and night clubs. All full of couples and happy groups of people. I felt like a fish out of water wandering through the streets alone, with no purpose and no one to talk to. At least when I was bored at UMBC I had other people with whom to seek refuge from the boredom. There were many times this week where I would have gladed taken being bored with good friends rather than be surrounded by excitement alone.

I also realized why I’d so easily adapted before and why it was so difficult this time. This was the first time I was truly on my own. Evne in the Israel program, there were 40 or so other people in the same boat as me: new to the place and far from home, both excited and nervous. Here everyone I’ve met through school has been here for a while. I’m the only new kid in town. I’m also the youngest. Most of the people at New School did not go straight through from undergrad and are in their mid to late 20’s.

Adjustment is a funny thing. It appears to happen in giant leaps it’s actually building slowly over time, so slowly you don’t even recognize it so that when it finally does happen it seems to have happened all at once rather than as a slow progression. Last night I expereinced that “all coming together” moment. But i relaize looking back that I’ve been gradually getting used to it here — talking more with my roomates, feeling a little less lost as I walk through the city…

I was waffling back and forth about coming home sometime this weekend. I legitmately needed stuff there, stuff I’d forgotten to bring with me the first time. My parents were more than ok with me stopping by, but still I felt it would be running away. But i needed my phone charger! I was pretty sure I was gonna go home on sunday. So yesterday I went to this street fair on Greenwich Ave. Every time I think I’m sick of it here I get sucked back in. It was a lot of fun. Good food (corn on the cob and lemonade, mmmmm) and all sorts of little things to buy. I didn’t buy anythign, just looked around. I detoured over to the East Village to check out a cool vintage clothing shop Adam had showed me when he was here on thursday, then came back ot the fiar and stayed til it closed at 6. There was a nearby park and I stopped there and wrote out some post cards. “It’s all about finding things to do where it’s ok if you’re alone.” I mused. Maybe I’d stay afterall. When I got home there was the package with my phone charger in it (after I’d just bought a new one today). That settled it, I was deifntley staying here. I called mom and dad to let them know. They were disappointed but understood. Hung out at home a little more then went out again when I got hungry. Got take out sushi for only $5 (for a 12 pc roll) and then wound up at Barnes and Nobel. It closes at 10pm here on saturdays. Grrrr. It was open longer in the Maryland suburbs for heaven’s sake! It wound up beign a good thing I got home when i did though.