2:05

after applying about 10 places i finally got one interview, and went in and got the job today. i won’t say where or what it is but it’s nice to just have SOMETHING, finally. i have been really bored!

my problem i’ve found while applying places is that i have essentially no references. anyone who can vouch for me is an international call away… and even if they were to call, the board of education was a japanese-only environment; no one at that number speaks enough english to even be helpful. and everyone else is 4/5/6 years in my past and it’s not really appropriate to list them anymore. so this job was great, they were very lax about previous experience and references, and it gives me something to start out with again for future applications. despite working a really good job for the past 3 years, after graduating with my bachelor’s… due to my unique circumstances i’m basically starting out all over again, as far as references and experience go. i don’t mind though, it’s kind of refreshing. i got lucky, i never had to work during college, and then i found a job immediately… but now. you know. no one cares about that anymore… gotta start fresh and build my way up.

you’d think i’d be more upset than i am about leaving a $45k job for minimum wage again. i’m really not. if there’s one thing i hope to always remember and take away from my experience in japan, it’s their attitude towards work. in japan, there is no stigma against any type of job. employees at places like fast food restaurants or convenience stores are hard-working and respectful, always. no one looks down on them, at least not in the same way that we do here, and their society is better for it. the way that americans have sticks their asses about working certain jobs really wears on me… leads to a cycle of disrespect and abuse of power… and i will not be part of that mindset. (tangentially i think that same attitude is tied into our refusal to give up the tip system at restaurants)

i mean i have enough money saved that i could not work at all until my (hopeful..!!) admission to graduate school in the spring, where i expect to get financial aid, but honestly i’m just bored and i want to see more of the world and how it works… thus the job. well hopefully jobs, there aren’t that many hours for this one so i want a second one to round out the week. i’d like it to be a restaurant job, fast food even, because i want to know how that world works. i’m stupidly ignorant about how a lot of food is prepared and i’d really like to know more about it… and the best way is to work there. we’ll see what turns out i guess.

over the weekend i went with my roommate and her partner to a going away party for a couple of their friends. calling it a party is maybe a misnomer because it was just a bunch of them gathered at a bar… anyway, they know mostly other people in the gay community so that’s who it was. you’d think i’d have got along great but i found it really hard to talk to anyone. the bar was kind of an alternative/misfit kind of place, but not my kind of misfits… these were the "cool" misfits, i guess. i’m pretty weird too but since i’m tall and thin and blonde i don’t look weird, and i think that works against me in places like that.. there’s all sorts of assumptions being made about who i am. or i don’t know, maybe it was all in my head…? regardless i just found it really hard to talk to anyone, i just stuck to my roommate’s side all night, and i was glad when it was finally time to leave. i’d hoped to kind of piggyback onto my roommate’s social scene upon moving to a new city but maybe i should just go out and try to make my own friends…

i joined a bunch of meetups on meetup.com but it’s hard to force myself to go. going alone is scary. 

i’m also browsing online dating sites a bit. sometimes i find guys who i think i could like but i can’t bring myself to send them a message, i get too nervous, and the prospect of going on an actual DATE is panic-inducing. i don’t think i’ve ever been on a DATE. at least not the kind where you meet a stranger and have dinner or whatever it is.

… job! what a relief.