11:25

ohh dear perhaps looking through my japan successor’s photo blog was a mistake.

i have been a busy bee. in two weeks i got a car, a roommate, an apartment, and a cell phone… i kept myself very busy so i never really had time to think about what i left behind. but now all that stuff is done, now i have some free time to sit and think and it’s catching up to me. i knew i wanted to leave. i knew i couldn’t stand it anymore. i knew i had to come back and live the rest of my life. but maybe it will always nag at me, the life i left behind in japan.. i will always look through these pictures she’s taking and think "that’s MY apartment" and "that’s MY car" and "that’s MY friendly neighborhood cat maru"… it hurts, in a weird way. i wanted to leave so badly, i was going crazy there… but once i’m back, i don’t know. it hurts. she’s living MY old life. i set it all up, i didn’t have a predecessor so i found that apartment, i bought that car, i rode that bicycle. it’s weird. i wasn’t sad to leave, there were certainly no tears shed at the airport or during any of the goodbyes, but now that i’m back.. shit.