11:23

most of the time i don’t particularly miss japan. i miss certain aspects, certain people, certain places… but as a whole i know i need to be here. sometimes, though.. a couple nights ago i was falling asleep, thinking about lots of things on the way out… suddenly it occurred to me that the life that i had there was OVER, really OVER… as in, even if i go back, nothing will be the same; my car won’t be there, my stuff will be someone else’s property and as the years go by i might not recognize anything or anyone anymore. and that thought BOLTED me awake out of my half-asleep state. i knew i had left, but in my mind things are suspended as they were when i left them — the reality that if i go back, nothing will be the same anymore — that was striking.