Sadder than anticipated

The fifth baby (since quarantine) has been born today – that I probably won’t get to meet for the foreseeable future.

I paid $40 USD a week or two ago to have a fertility psychic tell me that I will get pregnant with a little girl in March-ish of 2023. That there may be a boy later on, but not quickly. There was more but I can’t remember right now. I don’t regret sending her the money because it was a fun evening on TikTok and she was very enjoyable to watch and listen to. She deserved it just for that – not many people, let alone psychics, can hold my attention for that long. But I suppose I’m not proud of it. I haven’t mentioned it to Hubby. He’s not one to go over our finances with a fine toothed comb but he wouldn’t care if I told him what it was for anyway.

I suppose I’m sadder than I anticipated being.

In December it will be 1.5 years of trying. I will be 43 in April.

If it’s meant to be, it will be.

I suppose.