not a healthy snack for me, no no!!

I think I’ve been doing really well food-wise since we first saw the dietician a couple months ago. I haven’t seen much progress in my weight but my sugar levels have gone down. I guess it’s one step at a time. It’s really hard to keep your chin (or chins as it were ) up sometimes about something you feel so insecure about.

I’ve cut out almost all salt except for cooking and for on mashed potatoes. I love salt so this was a big big deal for me. I’ve lapsed a bit lately but only a BIT which is significant. It’s important for my blood pressure too. So I really hope it’s made a difference there.

We now only drink diet pop. The no sugar is great. And actually now when I do drink regular pop – because that’s all that’s available (I know, I could choose water – one thing at a time here) or if I get it by accident – I *really* notice the sugar. I *really* feel the sugar actually. It’s waaaay too sweet. I never noticed how it made me feel before. Yucky sugar rush. So far I have determined that Diet Coke tastes like ass. Diet Gingerale is good but I still prefer the real stuff there. Diet Pepsi is good if you need a "coke fix" hehe But I’m actually really liking the Diet Pamplemousse (grapefruit) and the Diet Orange drinks.

Actually, speaking of drinks – We cut out frozen juices almost entirely. This is HUGE for us because we were drinking jug after jug of the stuff. We didn’t realize how much sugar is in those things! Occasionally I have to have orange juice or lemonade but gone are the days of four jugs of berry punch. And next grocery trip we’ll be searching out the diet juice crystals. We’ve been using up the regular ones we had left before buying new stuff. It’s expensive to buy healthy food!!!

I was eating lots of pretzels because I adore chips but thought that pretzels were healthier for me. Not so. Pretzels are worse for me than (a proper portion of) chips. So I’m not eating those anymore either. I had them regularly for snacks so I feel like that is also a big deal. I feel like all of these tiny steps is a big deal actually. I guess that’s why I’m writing it all down. To pump myself up. (and bore you in the process! lol)

Also cut out cream cheese. If you think this stuff is real cheese you are sadly mistaken. It seems obvious to me now so maybe you’re not surprised. It is processed afterall but I was stunned when I heard it wasn’t real cheese. It is entirely fat. No more for me! Not sure what I’ll be having on my bagels – oh wait, bagels. Bagels are worth FOUR bread servings. And I really need to cut down on my breads/carbs(aka sugars) so those are eaten very sparingly. Can’t remember when I had one last actually. I do remember craving a sesame one last weekend tho! lol

We’ve started buying 100% whole grain (and 12 grain) bread. It SO bothers me that it is usually MORE than $2.00 for one friggin loaf of this stuff!!! But it IS really good. And it’s not a white starch so it’s much better for me. I think that’s what was wrong with the pretzels (AND the rice cakes!! not a healthy snack for me, no no!!)…

I’ve tried really hard to cut down on using margarine. I’ve been making a good effort to eat more fruit in the form of those Fruitsations cups or equivalent. Fresh fruit doesn’t last long enough to eat it down here in this basement hell hole. I haven’t been eating it every day and I know I need more than one serving a day even but  it’s a little step in the right direction, right? Vegetables we’re having a bigger problem with. We just don’t take time to make them.

So fruit, veggies and portion sizes are my things to work on. We’re bad with portion sizes. Really bad.

Also need to work on eating regularly through the day. Really important for little ole diabetic me. I’m making a real effort – and this week have been fairly successful – to eat breakfast as close to when I get up as possible without puking. I normally can’t stand eating first thing in the morning. But I’m supposed to and I do notice a difference when I do.

I’m doing well remembering to take my medication. I have to work on remembering to take my sugar levels though. I have a block about that thing. I hate finding out if it’s high. Maybe it will be better now that I know more WHY it has been high. And I have to start taking my birth control pill!!! Not for sexual purposes but to regulate my periods. Stupid PCOS.

At least I have specific diagnoses now though. It took a long time. Now is the hard part, I guess. I just hope my kidneys are okay. Last time my kidney levels were very slightly up or down whichever way is bad. And it scared me. A lot.

I guess I need to make more of an effort to exercise too. Bah. I hate exercising. I never know what to DO. And my knees hurt. I swear going to Curves and doing those lunge thingies with the weightson my shoulders is what screwed them up. I was always very bruised from climbing on those machines too. Not made for petite ladies. We HAVE been making a bit of an effort to park a little further away from places we need to go though – unless it’s really cold, admittedly. We could do a lot better in that area though.

We bought a scale with some money from our Christmas returns.  I’ve been hovering at about 297 up or down a few every other day. I don’t know how it can change so quickly from one day to the next though… Maybe I’ll ask the dietician how much difference I should see from day to day… the scale does go up -no, DOWN!!!- by decimal point… Anyway, the other day I was 293 (YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and I’m scared to go back and weigh myself again now cuz I don’t want it to go up!!! LOL I don’t think it has… And I’ve tried to eat more carefully since then to make sure it doesn’t. But just seeing it go up a decimal point is irrationally devastating to me. It doesn’t make me bawl or anything but it knocks me down a peg. Just another kick in the gut.  "At least I didn’t gain anything" doesn’t cut it anymore. The doctor told me so the last time I was there. "It’s just not good enough anymore".

How wrong is it that I am pretty sure my scale is full of shit?? LOL My first thought when it said 293 was that something was wrong with it. lol Maybe I’ll go test it now…