Molar or Crotch Goblin?

I just want to know.
One way or the other, I just want to know and be done with it.
If it’s viable, let’s get on with things.
If it’s not, get it out and give me pain meds. Right now the only good I can see of it not working out is that I will get to take my fibro pain meds again sooner than later. It’s a shit thing to call a positive but ya take what you can get at this point.

Why was Dr so certain with the results of my first ultrasound that things were not going to work out?? There was a sac she said – no yolk or stem or embryo. Nobody told me it looked wonky or measured small. I didn’t get any sort of dating information at my “dating ultrasound” at all. But others in the same position (similar dates) were just told to go back for another US in a few weeks, not to worry. Me? I get 90% failure probability and sent for blood work.

My Timeline
Dec 13 – 1st day of last period
Dec 28 – sexy time
Jan 9 – brown discharge which usually occurs as my period begins so thought Aunt Flow was coming early (now I think this was implantation)
Jan 10-12 – the worst diarrhea, then constipation of my life (which I thought delayed the onset of The Flow)
Jan 14 – no period, positive home test
Jan 15 – 2x positive home test
Jan 19 – dr appointment (reg GP) – medication changes, OB referral, blood work ordered
Jan 24 – blood work, 3000 hcg
Feb 8 – dating ultrasound, sac visible but no yolk, stem, embryo
Feb 9 – blood work, 40,500 hcg
Feb 11 – blood work, 44,896 hcg
Feb 13 – missed second period
Feb 14 – home doppler detects 125-135 heartbeat (now, I think this is MY heartbeat since it is early and in comparison to YouTube videos)
Feb 16 – dr says hcg not increasing properly so probably Molar Pregnancy, has referred me for possible D&C, blood work ordered
Feb 17 – blood work, 36,164 hcg
Feb 18 – original OB referral calls to make first appointment (coming up Feb 24)

No severe symptoms to report.
No morning sickness or vomiting. Mild nausea occasionally.
No cravings – if anything, I’ve wanted protein.
My nips were VERY sensitive for a while but that has subsided for the most part.
Very occasionally, I’ve had a little bit of brown discharge when I’ve wiped. Never anything red. Once there was what I -could- describe as a very small clump of tissue. I could also describe it as just a bit more discharge. Certainly not anything like grape clusters (as per Molar Pregnancies)
I’ve had constant mild to barely-noticeable cramps from the very start. Nothing severe (to me – who has lived with severe periods for 30+ years now). No stabbing pains.
For a while I was so exhausted I slept and napped A LOT – like 20 hours per day – but, with this new uncertainty came anxiety to clear up that problem lickety-split.

I’m 40. This is my first pregnancy. There were no fertility drugs involved but we have been through all of the fertility tests. Nothing wrong with either of us in that regard. No wonky swimmers. Tons of follicles. It seems incredibly improbable to me that after so long, our first pregnancy would entail two “one-in-a-million” sperms infiltrating the egg with too much DNA or the egg being empty. Like, WTF.

I attempted to refer myself to a midwife in attempt to get some more specialized and personalized attention but was put on a waiting list. And, really, I don’t want to waste their time if this is a dud…

but… *deep sigh* I just want answers. I want the uncertainty to go away so I can focus on my “regular” problems either on top of or instead of an impending crotch goblin.

Neither of us were ever 100% on wanting children or 100% on not wanting children – but we have somehow moved quickly through Abject Terror to Cautious Anticipation. My body never lets anything be easy or normal, though. My body is always at war with me. It makes me so frustrated. And angry.

And now I’m tired. I’m sad. And I’m tired.