lazy tendencies

I need to get back on the wagon, weight-loss wise. I fell off and have gained about 5 lbs in 2 weeks. Not good. Especially when I’m supposed to be going DOWN in size. I’m having such a hard time with this… *sigh* I had lost 11lbs in 24 days and was so proud of myself… and then I think the stress of life must have got to me again. I was having a really *down* period. I went back on my medication as a result of it. I’m just not in a good place right now. But I don’t have time to worry about my mental self right now because I have to worry that we’ll have enough money to live and a PLACE to live come September.

I am resolving to come here once per day to vent and to report on specific things, to exercise even more than I was when I was being good, to write down specific goals… to keep myself motivated. Two pounds per week for 52 weeks – or the equivalent of it. I can do it. I CAN DO IT. I -WILL- DO IT. I won’t let that stupid bitch K keep me down – or UP as the case may be. heh

I just need help. I feel so helpless in this…

I’m trying not to let myself get discouraged this time. I am easily discouraged. But I’m trying to tell myself that even though I’ve screwed up this time, all is not lost. My time table is still do-able. Six weeks so far… I’m just 5lbs behind… that’s less than half! right? I just have to step it up, keep focus. I can do it. I can do it right? *sigh*

11lbs in 24 days is a lot, I know – but I have a feeling I have a lot of water retention and weird things going on with all of my health issues and medications… The doctor originally told me (the cause of my last wagon-departure) that I could only hope to lose 2lbs PER MONTH. That devastated me. It took me a -LONG- time to get up the nerve to try again. But here I am. And, yeah okay, maybe I will hit some plateaus where the weight won’t come off easily at all but at least I already know I can beat the doc’s prediction of a measly 2lbs per month, right? That’s a plus that I have been trying to focus on.

It’s really hard to eat well when the fridge that comes with your apartment kills everything in it by freezing whenever it feels like it (NOT in the freezer part) AND when you don’t have a lot of money to buy food to begin with… and admittedly when you don’t get around to using the fresh stuff fast enough before it dies because of lazy tendencies… I also rely on BF to cook for the most part… UGH I’m just getting myself down. I have to stop that.

I finished my vision collage tonight. I will take a picture and try to post it tomorrow. It’s on the door right now but I’m going to post it somewhere where I can look at it while I’m riding the stationery bike – EVERY . SINGLE . DAY – right? right.

*sigh*