CONTINUED…
Next…ok I’ll make this short! My hubby has been working constantly and never has time for us and it is really wearing on me. I say things here and there but they are not heard and I know I will just let it build up and build up and then LOOK OUT! I am like that I let things go for so long because I don’t want to deal with it and then I can’t take it anymore and I blow up! I feel neglected and like my children are suffering too because of this!
I also need to deal with all my feelings hiding deep inside me from the meeting of my birth family and the on going emotional battle. Don’t get me wrong things are not bad but I have never dealt with any of it and I feel like I am numb to everything now because I don’t even know how to feel anymore about anything. I need to dump out all of this stuff and try to learn how to “feel” because I have no idea how. Without getting into the past, I have NEVER ever dealt with anything properly! Hence the ED as a very effective coping mechanism! I was talking to two of my friends about all of this stuff and they both admitting to falling into deep depressions in the last year and that I should deal with all my stuff because I could one day crash and burn. One of them said “when you talk about all your feelings and what you have been thru in all of this you talk in third person like it is someone else’s experience and you are just looking in and analyzing it all!” “You are not dealing with it, you just laugh everything off as if it is not affecting you!” That’s me!
I won’t even go into to that because that is just me and how I cope with all of the above! I am reading a book right now about recovery and whoa I don’t think I am even close to “dealing” with my past or anything else for that matter! I don’t think I ever will be. Unfortunately I hate all this stress in my life but on the other hand it feeds my ED and gets me the results I want, and so the battle goes on….! I don’t want to talk anymore about all that, it’s just the same old stuff over and over again. Not to mention I don’t write too much of that for fear of triggering ppl or actually admitting I have a problem…heh?!
Ok that’s enough for today I have said WAY TOO MUCH HERE sorry:( …I must get to my fav’s…
hey! You sound a lot like my mom. You should definitely talk to your husband and tell him that you need to see him more, and I’m sure ur children do too.Don’t let it build up. Be strong:) take care,
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hey darlin’. It does help t talk about it, I figure… and I know exactly what you mean about your friend the pastor – I do that, have done that manies a time. ((hugs))
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*hugs* i know how you feel, keith just got a new job and it’s further than his old one, and he’s working a LOT more… it’s hard not to take it personally, but you really should say something, because it will only get worse. love you! *more hugs!!!!!!!!* love, me
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*hugs* Acknowledging stuff as actually apart of your life is so hard. I think a lot of people refer to some horrible experiences in the third person. I know I do that a lot! I just hope you can get to the next step of allowing to acknowledge the hurt. It’s not fun but the result at the end feels so much better than standing right before it. I think of you often and hope for the best.
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And thanks for the encouraging notes and all the hugs. It’s a nice thing to have right now. *hugs back*
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