Lost cycle

I’m on my last year before I graduate and go to university, and thus year is going to be awful since I have to make a bunch of essays that I have no inspiration or motivation in. I also have to do a bunch of exams at the end of the year.

I feel like I’m not going to be able to do that, I know most of my classmates have their shit together or they and their families don’t really care; I feel like I’m not doing this for me, but for my family and I am incredibly afraid of being a even bigger disappointment that what I am already.

At the same time I know I’m the one who’s to blame for being lazy and dumb, but It’s like my body can’t move when i think of all the stuff I have to do and I’m not doing.

I can’t help but feel like I’m lost and have no place in here, I feel like I’m trapped in and neverending cycle of self sabotage and unsatisfaction.