Spiritual fake

“You can trust me, I won’t hurt you” she said as she took my hand and led the way, I walked blindly trusting that this “leader” could be trusted a woman of the universe a being with more power than my own.

I let my world open up and slowly unravelled my wounds for you, showing you all of my broken pices and I trusted you to put me back together because you said you could.

You said you loved me, that I was family and foolishly I believed, an abusive family I had come from beating and abuse was my past.

I was not prepared for what you could do.

“Will show you how to do this and then you will be one of us” and I jumped blindly believing that I had found the place the tribe i belong.

I practice, I learnt, I beat so hard on that drum my hands were bruised and in pain.

I trusted and loved, letting walls down to allow others close, the heart of a fragile child lives in the chest of this grown woman and left the tenderest part of my open and allowed myself to feel that hope and pain.

Then it all changed and at first I didn’t see it thinking it’s just me, I mustn’t be doing enough.

So I did more! I cleaned your home allowing you to TELL me how to spend the money you paid me.

I still wasn’t enough so I dove into more, more and more.

The practice and bruises on my hands were for naught as you eventually took that away too.

The coffees, the wine, the random chats it all ended too no longer did I, I had become invisible to you.

So I finally stopped, stopped giving, I started to do less and now I do nothing at all for you and now I am completely invisible to you.

The promise of not hurting, the dream of trusting and the wounds I allowed to be seen.

I feel foolish now, the curelest joke seems to be me.