07.28.2021 – We Will See

I always say “I cant believe its been this long” but I am lying I can believe its been this long. I am going to do a little update on everything and every one because, again like I say all the time, I want to write here more. I am dealing with a lot of mental health stuff. I filed for disability a year ago. I have a lawyer and I am just waiting for a decision, they denied me once and we appealed so we are in the appeal process. I havent talked to a therapist/psych since April. I have been on the waiting lists and finally got appointments lined up (mid august). I need to keep a journal or chart of my symptoms I think that will help if I lose this appeal.

Onto the kids.

The girls are doing great! They just registered for classes at their new high school. We will be doing in person learning this year, unless the school goes virtual. The girls signed up for the Navy Junior Reserve Officer Training Corps or NJROTC. It counts as gym class, and I am hoping it helps Chloe with her discipline and Nevaeh with her confidence. If they hate it they can change it when they become Sophomores. I am glad they chose to do it. It doesnt mean they have to go to the military when they graduate they are just teaching them life skills, training physically, and how to be a good citizen.

The boys on a whole are doing great. JJ will be in 5th grade this year. I cannot believe he is in Middle School. He will be going to his own school without any siblings! I am a little concerned about that but he has more skills right now then he did when he had his meltdowns in Kinder. Madi will be in 4th grade and will be in the same school as Mac who will be in 2nd grade. Finn is not attending school this year. I am keeping him home until the vaccine is ready for him. He is very young and the law says he has to enter school full time at 6. Hes going to turn 5 next week so he would be 6 next year just in time for the new school year. I just really dont want to risk him getting sick.

I am lonely. I have Jeff and thats not what I mean but I want a friend. A close to me, best friend. And I dont have one. I met one person who lives close but she doesnt drive so shes an hour away and we havent gotten together yet. But I also feel like that would be a hard friendship to keep up because itll be on me every time to make it to her. I dont drive anymore because of my anxiety and I just dont know when we will hang out. I met someone who lives in the same town as me. We texted for a while but shes unvaccinated and basically lives life like the pandemic is gone and so I cant have her over to risk the kids who arent vaccinated getting sick. We dont text anymore so I guess thats that. Maybe I am not “best friend” material. The one who lived in the same town as me seemed so perfect but yeah..

We leave soon to go to my moms house. My brother is on Dialasys and my mom is still struggling after the death of her husband so we are coming down to see her. I am excited because I mostly see my mom when there is a death, I miss her and I am glad we are seeing her in a good/happy way. My mom and I really have worked hard to get our relationship back and its the best to have a mom that I have a relationship with. My kids will be seeing the ocean for the first time. I will get to meet Alexis (from Bloop) and spend our day at the beach together.

I think thats it for now, I need to be able to brain dump on here so I wanted to get you all up to speed. I am sure I will be back because my brain is struggling right now.