This is where I find myself

I said my life was going so good and in some parts it really is, however there are those parts I really wish could be so very different. One of those things being my boyfriends father has cancer. He’s been so strong through all of it and I can’t believe he can be so strong, if that were my dad I don’t think I could be. I feel selfish saying this but what sucks even more is I can’t just make it better for my boyfriend. I’m not even sure if saying I’m here if you need me or keep your head up is enough anymore. I wish I knew the outcome so I knew how to handle things. I look at him everyday and wonder what thoughts play behind those eyes. I don’t want to ask cause I know it upset him when he talks about his dad. This year for both of us has really been a test. So many things have taken place and there hasn’t been a brake in between any of it. Its one thing right after another. I’ve kept my head up through everything and I’ve tried very hard not to just brake down and cry my eyes out. The more that takes place, however, the more I feel I’m losing something inside. I find something zoning out anymore, like when I’m at work or just sitting in the car. My mind seems to be so far away and sometimes I don’t even know where that is. I’ll be glad to know when this year is over. I can only hope for the best and that next year is better than this past one.