Somedays I just need space

I wouldn’t say I’m the most affectionate person out there. I have no issues with cuddling with my kids or any of the kids I know for that matter. Even with my husband however, I wouldn’t say I’m over affectionate. Its just not who I am and I don’t mean for it to be there way. I work really hard to make sure I meet my husband in the middle. He’s not an over affectionate person either, he’s just a little more than I am.

There are sometimes however I get in these moods where I just need some time to my self. I love my family but in those moments I would prefer them just give me a little pace and let me sit alone or read my book. I feel bad because I will still hug on them or kiss their face when they want to cuddle or just need some time with me. My whole body cringes at times and I could the seconds until I’m not being touched anymore.

I know that makes me sound like a bad person and I truly cannot help it. There are times when I feel like that way and my husband wants to kiss me or sit with me and I don’t have the heart to tell him I’m just not feeling in the mood for that. I sit there or I kiss him and again I can feel my body tense. I love my husband and I very much enjoy his touch in any form but there are times where I just cannot handle being touched at all.

Today was one of those days and I feel like a terrible person for feeling that way.  I tried so hard to  hide it because I didn’t want him to feel like he did something wrong, because it had nothing to do with him at all.

Most of the time when I feel like this I listen to an audio book or I read and at times write as well. Nothing seems to be helping though and I’m at a loss at this point.