A day that started as a celebration ending in tragedy

I find my self with so many emotion’s today, so many up and down moments inside my head. As I was driving in my car today with the music up loud I found my self drifting back to what I was doing this day three years ago. Its so crazy to think about that now because so much has changed in those three years. Apart of me changed so drastically from this day three years ago to today.

Today is my little brother’s birthday, he would have been 29 today. Its a hard thing to swallow that I am never going to celebrate another birthday with him, that each year when this day comes up I won’t be able to joke with him about getting old. Instead I will think about the what ifs and try to find new ways to honor him on his birthdays.

The last birthday I spent with him was just two weeks before he took his last breath. I remember that day like it just happened, remembering every little thing. I had texted him the night before asking if he wanted to get coffee and where he wanted to get coffee. His place of choice was Dunkin Doughnuts.

I remember picking him up that morning and taking his daughter to her daycare and then him, my self and my oldest daughter went to get his coffee. He was in such a good mood and full of smiles. We talked about random things and listened to music. I made stop at the dollar store and bought him all his favorite candy. I also got him and I ice cream and I found two lighters with silly sayings on them that made me laugh. Of course he just laughed about the stuff I got him, but I wanted to have something on his birthday.

When we got back to his house that’s when things stared to change. Our older sister called me so upset I could barley understand her. She explained to me that her children’s father was shot and killed the night prior. So we gathered up what we needed and my brother and I headed to our sisters house where our other sister met us.

My heart was so crushed for my sister and her children, it was so unfair. Their children still needed him and it wasn’t fair in how things went down. Even though it was our brother’s birthday he had no problem being there and being whatever support they needed, promising he would there.

Little did we all know that promise wasn’t going to be kept the way he meant it.

We sat with my sister while she explained to the kids that their dad was gone. I’ll never forget the hurt and confusion on their little faces for the rest of my life. The cries that came from my niece and the anger that you could see on my nephews face’s. My sister was so lost in how she was going to do life without her children’s father.  They were still married but they were no longer together, and they had just had a not so great blow out over the kids. They never really got to talk and work that out before his death.

Thinking back now its a world wind of things that took place that day. Today three years ago things changed everything for us. A day that started out so great and with nothing but smiles ended in such a mix of emotions.

I hope more than anything that my brother at least had a good last birthday with us that day even with everything that took place. I know for me that last birthday with him was something special, even if I didn’t know it at that time.

Happy heavenly birthday to my sweet and very missed little brother.