Friends

I am so scared right now. My closest friend who live in another state has been feeling unwell with tummy aches & pains & swelling or bloating. This has been going on for a while now. She told me her doctor wanted to send her to get tests done for cancer. Those results were inconclusive & now she has to go off her antacid medication for 2 weeks for another test & if no diagnosis then go for a colonoscopy. I don’t understand why they cant do the colonoscopy during the time of waiting for her to have her antacid mediation to get right out of her system.

I met her online a few years back & she is an amazing women. Her daughters are my age but i click with her so well. I met her in a facebook support group & we friended each other. 1 day i noticed i hadn’t seen her post anything online for a few days so i messaged her to see if she was ok. I was the only 1 who noticed she wasn’t on social media & since that day almost 5 years ago we have spoken to each other through messenger just about every day. Because she hasn’t been feeling well she hasn’t even been on messenger like usual. I do check in on her every day though, but she is in pain & feels awful. I feel helpless because i cant help her, i want to help her, fix it, make her feel better & i can;t do anything but tell her i love her & i am here for her. I miss talking to her so much & im so scared that this tummy issue is going to be bad news. I don’t want to lose anybody else. My friend has had so much bad luck in her life, the bad things just keep happening to her & her family. She is such a beautiful person, kind, loving, caring down to earth, funny & i adore her even though we still haven’t met & her 2 youngest grand kids call me aunty. I was meant to go & stay with them over this xmas past but time sort of snuck up on me & so it didn’t work out.

2 other friends have been keeping me occupied though & my mind busy, it helped me stop thinking so much bout my sick friend. But they didn’t keep my mind occupied for good reasons. They are also facebook friends. A couple & a couple i was envious of, they made the perfect couple & he is the sort of man most women dream of, kind loving, funny, caring etc.

They broke up. At the time of the actual breakup i didn’t know because they are not friends i talk to on a daily basis. so last week i got a friend request from her & i thought oh no not another scammer pretending to be 1 of my friends, then i got a message from her explaining that they broke up & she had blocked all their mutual friends but she wanted to unblock me because she trusts me & that she hadn’t realized that blocking a friend would unfriend them to.

I also met these friends through a facebook support group. He had originally friended me & when i seen her had a partner i sent her a friend request. We have been friends for about 4 years id estimate.

I am the only mutual friend that survived being able to stay friends with them both. I have been talking to them every day listening to what they need to get off their chest & deal with whats happening. At first it looked like their relationship could have been saved but things got nasty. Some of his friends somehow got her number & were bombarding her with cruel, hurtful awful things. She showed me screen shots of what they were saying to her & i couldn’t believe that these people were being so horrible, they didn’t even know her. How did these people get her number? She told him what was happening & he didn’t seem to care & didn’t try to put an end to it. I don’t know what he has said to these people for them to be so horrible to her especially when it was his actions that ended the relationship.

She said that he recently had a change of medications & since then his personality started changing. He went from a lovable caring, kind man to someone she didn’t know. I am shocked at his behavior. He was the perfect man & they were the perfect couple. At first she cared about him & wanted to make sure he was ok, she even spoke to their doctor (they see the same doctor) to tell the doctor of his personality changes since changing medications. I tried ti keep things civil & respectful between them advising on how to communicate with each other in a respectful way so they both listen & acknowledge each others feelings etc. But it got nastier anyway on his side.

She has been confiding in me alot lately & we have become even closer friends. She knows i am still friends with him but she trusts me. I’m not the type of person to snoop on someone for someone else or gossip about 1 to the other or tell each other what they have talked to me about. But seems some of his friends don’t seem to have the same values as me. They were snooping on her especially in this support group & then telling him things that were being embellished or taken the wrong way. It was gossip & drama. He has mostly not been willing to listen to anybody unless they share his opinions & suspicions on this breakup as he is playing the victim. I don’t doubt that he is hurting but he was the 1 who originally hurt her. He still cant see what he did was wrong & why she felt the way she did. Even though i have been neutral in this situation i am closer to her than i am to him. But i didn’t let that influence on giving advice when they asked or listened to them when they needed to talk. I told him when he asked how i would have felt from a woman’s point of view & it was very much how she felt. I don’t think he meant to hurt her & i definitely don’t think he would have ever cheated on her at all but he did cross the line.

Since the break up she has been worried about him even though she feels hurt & sometimes angry at him, she has still wanted him to be ok. She agreed to meet up with him & they talked through stuff & agreed to remain friends & also that he would put a stop to his friends bullying her. But last night 3 days after their meeting 1 of his friends went batshit crazy at her with bullying & abuse on messenger & through text messages. She tried hard to keep things friendly But she made a hard decision & decided to break all contact with him & anybody he knows except me. She showed me the email, she wa respectful & it showed she still cared but she need to come first now. So now i am friends with both of them still & she has cut all other connections between them. She knows im closer to her than i am to him & she trusts me. He said to me today that she will want me to block him & i explained that she knows i am still friends with both & she trusts me.

Talking to him is a little difficult because he sees himself or feels the victim, not understanding or not wanting to understand or take responsibility for his behavior & also giving her number to these other people she doesn’t even know for them to bully & abuse her. Because of what he has done i feel my loyalty now lies with her compared to him because i am closer to her & also because i have seen the screen shots of this hurtful drama from both him & his friends. He is obviously telling his friends things that are not good for them to be so mean & abusive & to give them her number so they can do that to her is a low blow.

I know her, i am not surprised that she hasn’t been mean back to any of this abuse. She is proving to be the better person.

he has also mentioned to me more than once the last few days along the lines of me & him becoming more than friends & i don’t feel comfortable with that. I have told him that it could never happen because of the women’s “girl code” of not dating a friends ex partner. I think he is lonely & wanting to be with someone without grieving & taking time to find himself again as a single man. That explains why the day after the breakup he had put a profile up on a dating website, that hurt her badly, they were together for over 5 years & had gotten engaged last year. But as long as he stays respectful towards me like he always has done & not cross the lines, i will stay friends with him but i will not pass any messages etc between them. He needs help but he can’t see or accept it. She was hoping at first that if he got help, took responsibility for his behavior that they could patch things up but her hope was squashed when she found out about the dating website. I hope he gets the help he needs. I hope he accepts help because this man he is right now is not the friend i know him to be even though he hasn’t been nasty to me, i can tell by his posts & talking with him lately

If he gets the help he needs, the woman he finds to spend the rest of his life with will be a very lucky woman. I would love to find a man similar to who he used to be.

As for her i can’t see us not being friends, we have gotten closer than ever before lately & we bounce off each other so well.  We are like soul sisters when it comes to our interests & hobbies. She is a wonderful woman, beautiful inside & out. 1 day when she is ready, her forever man will be very lucky to have her.

Most of the friends i have had in my life have been short term because i tend to attract the toxic destructive nutty fruit loops & my psychologist is helping me to learn to identify & walk away from these people before getting to close & hurt, because i always want to give people a chance even though my instincts say no way get out of there.

So i don’t have many true friends, but the few i have i am so grateful every day for them💓.