To Remember

I have been dipping my toe into the waters of the dating pool and its incredibly frustrating.  If all I wanted was a hook up, I’d have a dance card ten miles long. but no…  Nooo, I want to find a … CONNECTION.  *GASP* (I know, ridiculous and unattainable right?) “You mean you actually want to stay and hang out with me after i use you to my own ends?” well.. yeah.. but since you put it that way..

And the wheel turns, and the cycle continues, and here we are in a fucked up groundhogs day of dating. over and over and over and over. doomed to foreverness.

I either cant find someone whos adult themed proclivities mesh with my own, or they dont know how to have a conversation beyond “whats up” or “WYD” or random eggplant photos. Those are the two major categories of nope that I encounter but there have been outliers like:

• “It was really cool to go out on this date with you and I think you are fantastic but I cant ever see you again because you don’t believe in my version of god”
• “wow I treated my ex the same horrible way that your ex treated you, I think you might be a lesson for me (2 weeks later) Met someone else, Byeeeeeee”
• “Hey, yeah my wife is awesome I love her.  I know your profile says you’re not the kind of girl to be a side chick… wanna be my side chick?”

I’m sure you can hear my eyes rolling.

I laid in bed last night an cried to the heavens about being ready for my soulmate.  Kidding aside; actually, hopelessly cried.  Like one of those conversations you have with the universe when no one is listening and it comes from the true depths of your spirit.  I mean FUCK.  I have been through such utter garbage on my search for just a simple human being that loves me for who I am, that is into the same weirdo shit that I am, that wants to do things like go grocery shopping and feed some ducks but simultaneously wants to play with my hair and rip my clothes off.  I’m a good person, I’m a dirty naughty girl, I have a huge capacity for love and compassion AND I’m a kick ass cook & cuddler.

I’m ready to just be allowed to love someone the way that I love and be loved in return.

I though I met someone who ticked my boxes, but alas.  Same old cycle.

This is official notice, universe.  I give the fuck up.