Full of Life

Haha…haven’t written in a while here…been kinda lazy.  Oh well…a lot of shit has been goin on.  First of all, i haven’t written anything since school ended (I am an amazing procrastinator here), so yeah, it’s safe to say i actually passed this year, which is good, because god if i had to go through another junior year, i would most definitely become suicidal. Haha, how fun!  Yes, anyway, so my love life has been fucking crazy.  I mean seriously…damn straight crazy.  I have no idea why, i mean, haha no it weirds me out.  Basically, I’ve had four hook ups with three people in less that a month’s time.  What in gods name is that?  I mean, ok, my love life really isn’t that bad or anything, but thats crazy.  I dunno, I think i’ve just needed some crazy ass release lately cause i’ve been pretty depressed these passed few months.  Oh well, whatcha gonna do.  I mean…ahhh who the hell knows.  I mean, I like one of them, and if you can’t figure it out by now (for those who know me), then well, either ask me or forget it, haha.  But yes, overall, its been crazy.

This summer so far has seemed to really suck.  The first week out, I was at this stupid ass Van Der Meer Tennis camp shit that was 6 hours a day.  Haha, omg i wanted to kill myself.  There were only 9 people in the entire camp, probably because it was a)the first week and b) normal people actually relax their first week of freedom.  Ha, well apparently my mother doesn’t give a shit about that and said I do this camp or no tournaments for me the whole summer.  Bitch.  Oh well, I did it…haha but i surely enjoyed pissing the pros off.  The next week, I was at the beach with my mom’s side of the family.  Yeah, the only good part was that my cousins were there, even though they live down the street from me anyway, but I still love them.  The my friend came and stayed for three days, but I got soo damn sick of her.  Ugh, she just really knows how to annoy the crap out of people, and I feels bad for her because she just doesn’t understand why people hate her.  Oh well, whatever.  Atleast I had my cousins, along with my bitchy parents.  Loooove it.  I was so bored the whole week.  Ooooh yeah, i straightened my hair…yes, it wasn’t poofy this time either.  Yeah people…be afraid.  My sister didn’t even recognize me, haha.

Haha, yesterday, my mom had a little “talk” with me, basically consisting of my dad and my sister “complaining” about me and how I was the root of our family’s unhappiness.  Haha, yes, and you’re the fucking best parents in the goddamn world.  Yeah, well i don’t think they understand the fact that a) I’m 17 years old, aka a hormaonal teenager and b) IT’S NOT ALL ME.  Whatever, if she wants to send us to family counseling, fine.  I’ll just laugh when you discover its all your damn fault my sister and I are fucked up and cynical.  God, I really hate them sometimes, especially since summer started.  They mentally mess me up…it’s like I can never be happy when I’m at home or around them.

So yeah, today I found out that my cousin’s parents are getting separated.  I mean, god, our family has had enough drama as it is.  My uncle has never been the best father figure…really not a strong or significant parent, very passive, elusive, extremely soft spoken, could never say no to his kids ever.  It actually really pissed me off, actually, that someone could be that pathetic of a role model to their own damn kids.  I mean, my aunt would also spoil them rotten and all, but he was the root of it.  It also would really piss me off that my 2 cousins always would get anything they wanted, while my sister and I would work our asses off and be involved in all these extracurricualr activites and get jack shit from our parents.  They’re a lot better now though, and we’re just as close as ever.  I mean, both kids were our life savers down at the beach when we were bored.  They’re so funny and full of life…but today it was like they were completely altered.  I could see the whole thing coming though…my uncle always worked, never EVER home, and he and my aunt never seemed close at all.  It was all a matter of time really, but I never actually thought it would happen.  I love how my mother never tells me anything about anything anyway.  I had to find out from my poor cousin online that her father was moving out…i can’t even imagine how they are taking it.  My mom told me pretty early on that my other aunt was having marital problems and that they were prob gonna get divorced, but god, this one is a lot more close to home and personal.  They’ve lived down the street from me since I was in first grade…and now it’s all gonna change.  Regardless, I have just one more year at home, but my cousins are one year younger and 6 years younger.  I feel so bad for them, I mean, I feel worse for them than for anyone in my entire life.  And it really depresses me that they have to go through this.  They just found out today, so hopefully they’ll have the summer to heal and all.  It’s just that the worst part is that I know that they’re really upset, and that upsets me about it even more.