2/19/09

Haha, I think I always write in here when I’m pissed about something… and sometimes that something is my boyfriend.  Like last time.

I’ve been with him for 4 years.  I’d say that’s a while.  And things have usually been pretty good.  I like being with him, going places with him, blah blah blahh.  His family can be annoying as fuck, but that’s to expected.

So I am nearing the end of my college career, and he has one year left of classes because of co-ops.  As is typical for college students, most get apartments near or off campus.  I’ve lived in 2 over the years which has been fine, but I’ve wanted to live with him for a while.  Of course the issue for him has always been money.  He works hard to pay for college and minimize the amount he’ll have to pay back on loans.  He lived in the dorms his first year, but has commuted from home since then.  It sucks, but that’s how it’s had to be.

Now recently, I was talking to him about my plans for next year, which will most likely be working and applying to grad school.  I also mentioned that I would like to live with him, since he’ll be in classes for the next full year.  He of course said he wanted to live with me also, as he has also in the past.  So when he called me today on his way home from work, I got excited because he mentioned that he talked to his parents about moving into an apartment next year.

Of course, I was surprised and asked what they said.  He said they just discussed it briefly. 

Then he dropped the bomb: "Well here’s the thing… if I do end up getting an apartment, I don’t think we should sign a lease together"

Me:  "What do you mean?"

Him:  "Well, I mean, I don’t know what will happen between us."

I’m sorry….  what the fuck?

We’ve been together for 4 goddamn years.  He has stayed in my apartment(s) RENT FREE for several months on end while he had classes before.  We obviously didn’t break up or have problems before while we lived for 5 months together before… so what the hell is 12? 

I understand paying rent for a year is a big investment for him, but that is fucking OFFENSIVE and HURTFUL that he would even say that like it’s a possibility.  Which in reality, breaking up always is a reality, but considering we’ve been together for so long and lived together in my apartment for several months before kind of negates that a bit.

Then he tries to cover his ass after I start flipping by saying that his parents probably wouldn’t be cool with it.  FIRST OF ALL, he never even mentioned to them that this is a possibility, so he hasn’t even put forth the fucking effort to discuss this with them like an adult.  And even further, his parents are goddamn hippocrites if they won’t co-sign a loan with him to pay rent on an apartment with me because, as I said before, he has stayed in my apartment for months FOR FREE for school and he comes to visit every other weekend.  He won’t even give me a straight answer on why they wouldn’t be cool with it.  His mom probably thinks it would be "inappropriate" or something, which all i can say is bullshit with a CAPITAL T because he stays here with me all the time and doesn’t say shit.   Anyways, it was his whole idea in the first place about not sigining a lease together because when I asked if this was his parents’ idea, he said no, and that he hasn’t talked to them about it specifically.

I was really, really upset when he said that.  And then my natural progression of course after that is complete RAGE, so he got a fantastic reeming out by me.  I am so pissed off at the fact that he didn’t think I would be mad and I would somehow understand.  Um, NO.  What human being, after how many years together with their significant other, and in the past on various occasions expressed desire to cohabitate with the other, would NOT get completely fucking offended when the other said, "Oh yeah, I might be able to get an apartment in the city next year!  Not with you cause we could break up!  Hope you understand!"  My answer is  NO ONE who is considered mentally sound.

Does anyone have any input on this?  Any advice?  Anything?  After the bullshit he pulled this summer completely proving his cluelessness, I don’t even know what to do anymore.  I am just so fucking pissed off and hurt right now.