1/13/05

It’s sad how lazy I am…no, seriously.  Extremely sad.  I should be memorizing a sonnet by Shakespeare right now and studying for an Allied Health test on the digestive system…woo freakin hoo.  I want to skip school tomorrow, and I could personally give a shit if i have to make up the memorization and make lynott mad and get and incomplete on the test.  Uh…yeah, four day weekend for me.  Even though it’ll probably consist of absolutely nothing.

I’ve been kinda depressed lately…again…which is messed up.  What the hell??? I’m a senior, I have pretty much the easiest classes this year, hardly any homework ever…and I still manage to feel like shit.  It pisses me off that I feel this way…I mean, seriously, c’mon now, what right do I have to feel this way? I HAVE NONE.  NONE WHATSOEVER.  SO WHAT THE HELL.  I’ve been feeling progressively more shitty since Christmas…I thought it was probably hormones, but…i dunno what the fuck is wrong with me half the time, honestly.  How ever hard I try to look on the bright side of things, just…i dunno. 

Random fact:  I think Senior strings depresses me even more.  Why exactly?  I have no idea.  There is the fact that I’m a bit PISSED OFF about my seat…considering I got ahead of chris in districts, have ALWAYS been ahead of that Pilla girl, and NEVERMIND the fact that esther and julie didn’t even try the fuck out this year.  So yeah…HOW exactly was I stuck behind ALL OF THESE PEOPLE??? You fucking got me.  There is also the fact…well, CERTAIN PEOPLE like to mess with my emotions just a bit.  I can’t even believe why I let him bother me so much, I mean, I think i’m honestly starting to hate him.  But then again…fuck.  I don’t think I’ll really get over it/him.  I am so pathetic it’s hilarious.

I also think I’ve been really lonely…relationship-wise.  Girls should not need guys to be happy, I’ve always believed that…so why am I all lonely-like?  This is probably the longest I’ve gone without a guy in a while, but I think it’s all been for the best.  I think I pretty much suck at relationships…I can never stay with someone for that long.  Maybe I still haven’t found the right person or maybe I’m a perfectionist…but I’m starting to get a little bit IMPATIENT…eh hem…anyway, so yeah, oh well.

So, in conclusion of the pathetic entry, I need drugs.  Lots of them.  If you happen to have any, please give them to me.  Eh, i need a lobotomy or something.