A Spark of Hope

Yesterday was the fourth day in a row of disrupted sleep. It was a fucking motorcycle this time around. OMG, I cannot wait to get out of here! But due to my not feeling well, we’ve been delayed. I knew we would be too. So I’ve resolved to really push it whenever possible. I know my schedule is part of the delay and we can’t do things like switch out windows at night, but I want us to do as much as possible as fast as possible. I want to work as if they’ll throw us in jail if we don’t! I can’t know how much of this place is playing on my anxiety until we get moved but I can definitely say that getting a bedroom that we soundproof or that’s at least further from the street, and one that’s less traveled, will definitely help.

We’re going to tackle the laundry room floor which is still filthy and a bit sticky as well as the master bedroom closet where I stupidly tried to stick extra floor tiles on the walls to try to brighten it up and make the clothes and other items stand out better against the dark paneling.

I’ve been dreading the onslaught of the motorcycle season and knew it would be anytime now. They’ll be a problem until late fall and of course year-round in Florida. Yes, the damn things are going to be an issue for the rest of my life no doubt. However, I may get a break tomorrow because we’re supposed to have another cool spell and rain.

Yesterday was shitty because I was anxious for the first 9 hours of my day. I was fine for the rest of it, especially after reading something that gave me a spark of hope. I was on a health site looking at the typical symptoms for perimenopause vs. menopause and I liked how anxiety was listed under menopause and how it said you could still experience some of those symptoms starting in perimenopause. Maybe the fact that my anxiety worsened one month shy of my one-year anniversary of being period-free wasn’t a coincidence after all. Not to get my hopes up too much but honestly, hope is all I’ve got.

The black cohosh tea came today and doesn’t taste bad at all not that I wouldn’t drink something that tasted like dogshit if it would help keep me calmer. The only thing is that the tea leaves tend to escape through where the halves of the ball strainer meet. Turned out to be no big deal, though, because the leaves mostly sink down to the bottom of the mug. No idea yet if it’s going to help with anything. I’m planning on drinking a cup early in my day and another one at the end of it.

I’m in the middle of my day now so I expect my mood to go downhill anytime now.

Today is wine day. I decided Saturdays would be when I had my one glass of wine, so I’m enjoying some white zinfandel that’s actually a pretty shade of pink.

The SPCA emailed to ask if we still want to get rid of the guinea pigs, so we’re thinking they might go next week.

I finished the laundry and I’m going to try to catch up on my story writing at some point during the night. I just haven’t been able to focus on it due to how shitty I’ve been feeling. I should work out too, but I just don’t have the energy.