Can i live in my dreams?

Amy,

Ive been having the most vivid dreams lately. Haunting real dreams. Many have involved Michael, more than just one night. I do recall having to meet up with him and I was shocked to realize that he is 41. I dont know if its because he was my first love, but even though we havent seen each other in years we still connect. It just throws me off. I even dreamed about getting married to someone I have never met…even in the dream I was overwhelmed. I guess i just dont want to grow up at all. Seriously, im a adult child!

Anyhoo, Ive been avoiding the world again by reading at least one book a day. Its been a lot but i get lost in these books that I rather immerse myself than dream with my boring reality. The job hunt hasnt even started and im exhausted of all rthe shit i have to do. I did start writing my book. But of course procrastination is my enemy. I just get so overwhelmed so fast. its like my brain is going 100miles per hr, and my hands cant even catch up. I just get so nervous.  I know that I should take my anti anxiety pills but that makes hella sleepy and then I dont get anything done.

Im jealous of Jimmy though. He is still in Europe, I want to go soooo badly! He better bring me something amazing from Paris. Awww Paris…see here i go again day dreaming. Im seriously stuck in this moment in my life. I really got to get it together! 3 years its been…fuck enough of my wasted life. Fuck this bipolar bullshit! Im just gonna take my happy pills and more forward. what else can i do? I dont want to end up like my sister, fuck that. Ive been there the last 3 years. Hey at least I dont have any kids and shit. The dream is cool, but i dont think that im the mom type. Im too selfish, i like going anything i want without having kids around. it is what it is. If this what my 30s is suppose to look like, its starting very ugh! Okay thats enough writing, shit is making me depressed.

Laters.