Apologize

I wish that you could read these words. I wish I had the courage to let you see them.

I would love to open my arms to you and say I love you too, but I just dont feel the same. Even as I write these words Im not sure if those words are the truth. I find myslef at times, thinking about "us", thinking about you. The things you are thinking, the things you are up to, and it basically ends with me asking myself if you still think of me. I want to be that girl for you, but I cant. Ive tried to want to love you, but it just cant be forced. Is it fear? maybe…I myself Im not sure what holds me back. Its just unfair for me to use yoiu while I try to really figure it out. Why? Because there are times, I cant stand you. Times I cant even look at you. But if I think about it this much, doesnt it mean more? IM so confused and it doesnt help that you linger within me. I try to erase you from my thoughts with other flings, but over and over you creep up again. I cant say if I truly miss you or the attention you gave me. All I can say is that Im sorry. Sorry for hurting you that one night, and in order to never hurt you again, I will just agonize within myself until I can surely know what I feel. I just hope that you continue to feel some sort of kindness towards me in the future.

Words, just words. Sometimes I want it all, but i keep finding myself running. As I do with you now….goodbye. Its always goodbye.

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