Another End

Amy,

So Geoff and I are completely over, as lovers and friends. He was very clear he only wanted to be fwb and I was not cool with that. I am too attached. I even deleted him from my FB, and I even deleted Kia. Do I want to go back…yes! I want to but I only that in the end it will only hurt me pining for someone that doesnt see me like that. Im so tried of getting into these  messes. Im upset that I let myself feel for him to end up hurt. I did it in such a way that I didnt even let him know that he hurt me. I took the pain with me. I miss the idea I thought he was. But when I concentrate to stay in the present, I realize we didnt have much in common and he doesnt give me what I long for.

He wrote that he it wasnt his intention to play me…HA! So I replied with the best intentions can bring the greatest harm. I thought he was a nice guy, but they never seem to want me more than just sex and thats the thing that hurts the most. I long to be loved and understood and time and time again it doesnt work out. I miss his friendship but why continue to get hurt. His actions towards me will always hold more to me. Its just tough for me right now.

On thursday I almost slit my wrist I was that depressed. I went to pick up my refill of anti depressants today, I realized Im putting so much hope in those pills. I start group therpy today at 6. Im a little hesistant, but really look forward to seeing my therapist tomorrow. I need to talk about all this Geoff shit. I got played and it burned. I will never let him know. I will disappear and plan to reemerge in a yr, hopefully I can make it that long. In time, I just go to work, and go home to sleep. I rather not deal.