Story of my life~2

I got out of that house when Cody was 7 weeks old. That day forever haunts me. My dad and I were arguing and he took apart my car (well the distributor cap) He knew that if I had my car, that I would leave. Well, finally he decided to fix it and he went somewhere. I had been slowing putting all of codys baby bags full of his stuff out my bedroom window. So once he left, I started really getting serious. I had been on the phone with russ and his brother most of the afternoon and they were on the verge of coming to get me, but I wanted to make this break on my own. To show my dad I could stand on my own. I got my car loaded with all of the stuff that would fit through my window, told my mom I was going outside and had her watch Cody. I loaded my car. I went back in and hung out with mom and then Russ called. I played it off like I was just going to visit with Russ parents. My mom knew that I wouldn’t be back. She tried everything to get me to stay there. I can remember her sitting on the couch crying, as I promised her that I would never keep Cody from HER, and that I was still her daughter and would always love her. She was on the porch when I drove away.

She didn’t come to my wedding and neither did most of my family on her side.My brother didn’t even come. But I survived. The morning of my wedding my dad called to stay he WOULD walk me down the eisle. I didn’t want him to, but russ parents had me going to church and I knew that I had to learn to forgive, so I let him.

My parents have been married for going on 31 years. She tolerated the abuse. When Tyler was 11 days old was the last time he ever physically touched her. She finally got a back bone after he blacked her eye, and held a loaded gun to his head. She told him that that was the last time he would ever lay a hand on her, and that the next time she pulled the gun out on him, she would call me or my brother to come and get her and he would never ever see us or the grandkids ever again. OR she could just pull the trigger and be done with it all.

Yeah the physical abuse stopped, but the mental and emotional still goes on. Its just a part of who he is. He is still an alcholic who leads a normal life in front of his friends, and they all think he is just mr perfect. He treats my mom like dirt for the most part. He has ruined her self esteem but he hasnt broke her spirit. She is an awesome woman and had finally started getting a little of her back bone back. She yells right back at him now and puts him in his place. Its really somewhat amusing to see them now. He is still a jerk, but not quite as bad. I still can’t stand to be around him very long, and my boys are not permitted to spend the night with them without me. I don’t really think he would do anything, but I will never trust him.

I never imagined just typing out my thoughts would help, but the do. I have tears running down my face as I go through this, but I can feel the pressure being released to. I have never been to a counsleor to deal with my issues. I have never been on any medicines to ease the pain. Russ swears I need to talk to someone besides him, a professional, that can help me work through all of it. But I have been fine for 30 years and I am managing very well I think. But this brings me to my brother and the life he has been living.

Ali