Tuesday

 A pretty bad day for me, as far as anxiety and frustration go.  I felt very sour and grouchy today.  Very "poor me" etc. Anxious as it got closer to the time I would be going home. 

I spent a good 10 minutes hiding out in the bathroom, just trying to chill out.  That’s unheard of for me, I don’t waste a minute of work time, and it felt very guilty.  I don’t care, though.  I put in my time, they can give me ten minutes when I need it.

Parked my car miles away again in an effort to abate the anxiety in that department.  Nothing has happened to the car in 2 weeks (the last thing being that 3 of the 4 caps to the valves on my tyres went missing) but I am still very anxious about it.  It’s our only asset and is relied on so much.  Part of it too is how hard I worked to pay off the loan I got for it in record time – I really value my little car.  

I just can’t wait to be out of here.  The builder starts on Monday at mother’s house, and should be finished by the end of the week after that.  At that point we will start moving, and probably be moved in there, and finishing things up at this apartment, the week after.  So, three to four weeks.  Just get through it. 

I am sweaty today, for some reason, probably the anxiety.  I am going to take a shower in a minute, take Ernie because he needs a wash, too, and I’ll probably have a little cry in there.  I really need to learn some coping mechanisms for this, because I get so churned up and it gets worse and worse and worse …. I am my own worst enemy.

Hopefully tomorrow is a better day.  I keep telling myself that each day is one day closer to being out of here.