Thursday

I just want to vomit.

I am feeling so stupidly stressed.  I can’t focus on a damn thing.

Time is ticking by too slowly and I just wish it was Saturday already.  Last night I could hear my asshole neighbour fucking around under the apartment block, right under our bedroom.  It sounds like he’s chaining his dog up under there.  All I could think was, thank fuck we’re getting out of here, because if it wasn’t already too much, having that fuckwit rummaging around directly under our bedroom just tips me over the edge. 

This is it, though. Tomorrow night it is all systems go.  We’ll be going over to mother’s house with loads of stuff.  Probably moving my brother’s furniture into the extension.  Cleaning his room (bought carpet deodoriser today).  I may not even get a chance to update this diary (gasp!). 

But this is my major event.  This is the first and largest hurdle.  Just get through it.

Worst part is, I’m 90% sure I am in fact getting sick.  I have aching muscles and a wooly brain now, along with the snot and the sneezing and the coughing (although the coughing is directly linked to my smoking).  I am hoping I can use mind over matter and get myself through until Sunday.  

Oh, my assistant resigned today, too.  She finishes up next Friday.  The job wasn’t what she had hoped and she feels unhappy being locked in the office all day.  Personally, I think that’s bullshit.  But, I’m certainly someone who thinks you should do what makes you happy, and if working here doesn’t make her happy, then she should definitely find something better for her.  My poor boss is floored though, two resignations in two days, both being members of his department.  I am now (of course) responsible for finding my own replacement.  I joked that it was my punishment for "divorcing" him, but really, it’s fucking annoying.  Why is it my responsibility to find someone else?  And with what time?  I am already flat stick and now I have to pick up the slack of my assistant, who was FULL TIME, by the way.  Now I get to cover her shit, on top of my own, plus find a replacement AND prepare a fucking manual on every singly fucking last thing I do in my job.  I’m not actually THAT worried about trying to get it all done, because what are they going to do?  Fire me?  Yeah right.  Not when I have my boss’ balls in a vice.  I guess I’m just frustrated at the bullshit where I get lumped with shit that really shouldn’t be my problem or my responsibility.  BUT because I have morals and a work ethic, you all know I’ll try my hardest to get it all done, like an idiot. 

Not sure where that came from. 

I’m freezing my balls off.  I want to go to bed and wake up on Saturday. 

Actually, what I want is not to be an anxious wreck all the time.  I hope that this time next week I am feeling relatively normal again.  I promise I will try my best to calm the fuck down, just once I get over the worst of this.