05/12/2013

Mothers day was alright.  Went to the park for a picnic (along with half the town).  The weather was nice.  My mother was only slightly irritating.  My mother and grandmother liked their gifts.  I ate half a chicken sandwich and two bites of potato.  Took my knitting and got a little done.  

I have noticed that I have started feeling very depressed on Sundays.  I used to get this way when I was working for a drunkard a few years back who made life very uncomfortable and work near impossible.  The depression comes from feeling as though the weekend is over already (even though it may only be Sunday morning) and that I have another week ahead of me.  I am not sure why I am feeling this way, because I am still enjoying my job.  I think it comes from the tiredness I feel through the week, the disruptions from my neighbours, and the anxiety I feel when I am coming home.  It’s like I never know what I will come home to with them.  I can’t even imagine how M feels, trapped in this apartment all day, every day. 

The depressed feeling really clouds the weekend, though.  Today at the park I made an effort to just let that feeling go, to enjoy where I was at that particular moment, and to try and let some of my anxiety go.  It worked, to an extent. 

We have been saving money fairly well, considering.  Once we leave this apartment our savings will really jump.  Our rent is not astronomical or anything (although I still contend that it is TOO expensive for the shithole we live in) but not having to pay that will mean an awful lot more money in the account at the end of each week.  We would of course be paying board wherever we live, but that’s never a lot of money. 

M is making home made hamburgers for dinner tonight.  I am still nervous about my appetite.  M hates to waste food and can get quite cranky with me if I don’t finish a meal.  He has been lenient this week, though, given my anxiety levels.  Dinner is the only decent meal he eats, as he gets through his days on toast and yoghurt.  For me, lunch is generally the main meal and I can quite happily go without dinner most nights.  I hate feeling as though I’m stuffing food down my throat.  

I guess this week we will see some progress as far as getting organised with our stuff.  My DVD pile shrunk this week, so we can move some other junk into their place.  We’ll finally move that table from the bedroom to the living room, and M will have some space to pack the clothing he doesn’t require right now.  We have a bunch of space bags and those moisture absorbing packets, and Tyler is ready in Santa Fe to start receiving boxes of M’s stuff.  Of course, shipping stuff is an expensive practice, but it needs to be done, and time is finally feeling as though it is starting to get short on us.  

It is exciting to think about.  My grandmother is the most sane out of my family when it comes to talking about this move, and was gently enquiring about the logistics of it all.  She can be a sweet lady when she’s not being a mean-spirited cow.  When we got to the picnic she was muttering to me about how annoying my niece and nephew can be (agreed!) and how my mother nit picks her (agreed!).  I calmed her down and got some wine into her and she was soon in good spirits.  

But yes.  We are really going.  We are finally close to getting out of this apartment, getting out of this country, and feeling as though we can start our lives.  Imagine!  We’ll be able to buy nice furniture, instead of collecting beaten up hand-me-downs from people.  We can bulk buy groceries and things because we’ll have a pantry AND a kitchen.  We can buy books and movies, and games and all the things we’ve been telling ourselves we can’t have until we settle in America.  There was no point buying much when we knew we’d either have to give it up or pay to ship it.  We’ll both be working, and will easily be able to afford holidays, weekends away, to be able to go out to eat on a regular basis.  

Just amazing.

I sent off my visa application late last week.  Tonight I will work on finishing the documents we need to complete the requisition we got for M’s Affidavit of Support.  My brother is going overseas for a month in July, so I am hoping that M and I can move into JB’s bedroom at my mother’s house for that month, and get out of here. I can ship M off from there, and then move to my sister’s house when my brother gets back, if necessary.  The only unknown in this situation is when we will have to go to the interview for my visa, which I need to research.  I am wondering if M is even required to attend, or if I have just assumed he is.  If he’s not required, then we can do whatever as far as his departure date.  

Time to go and review my lease and check how much notice I have to give the landlord before moving out.  Now THAT will be a satisfying email to send!  I plan to call her and let her know when we plan to leave, and let her know I have emailed the formal notice AND ask her about the return of my bond.  She has a reputation for not returning bonds to tenants, but the tenants here all have a reputation for being scumbags who trash the apartments.  I think I have a good chance given I have been a good tenant, and because surely she wouldn’t be so stupid as to try and withhold it from me (me being half way through my final year of study for my second law degree, AND knowing the CTTT inside out).  

I think I need a change in my routine.  I am going to switch from getting up at 5am to getting up at 6am.  Here are the pros and cons:

Pros:

Go to bed slightly later.  Getting ready for bed from 8:30pm, and aiming to be asleep by 9pm is hard on M.  I have 3 hours in the evening to spend with him, doing chores, taking care of stuff like bills, paperwork etc.  

Taking Ernie for a walk in daylight, instead of pre-dawn darkness.

Being able to check my post office box in the morning. 

Not having to hear the wildebeast upstairs taking a dump every morning.

Cons:

I won’t have that uninterrupted study time at the office.  Sadly, I am feeling disgruntled and sad following my recent poor essay result.  This is only going to hurt me further, but until I break this slump, I don’t see the point in dragging my ass into the office at 6:30am every day so that I can study for 20 minutes then allow myself to fuck around online for an hour.

Higher chance of some moron in my block using the hot water while I am in the shower.  We are on shared hot water, and it appears that the only time I can get a shower without it breaking into ice cold water a half dozen times is between 5 and 6 am.

Taking Ernie for a walk and encountering too many other people walking dogs or wandering around.  He gets distracted and it takes longer for him to decide he’s ready to shit.

Whatevs.  Either way, the current routine seems to have been exhausted and I need to move on.  I will find the time for study and slot it in elsewhere.  Exams are in just a few weeks anyway, so it is time to get revised on my two weakest subjects.