Feeling Lonely

Ive been feeling lonely a lot lately even when I’m around family or a group of people that I don’t know. I’ll sit in the corner and just watch. I think I have social anxiety. I’m taking anxiety pills for it but I’m running out of it and still very much taking my iron pills.

I always felt like people are ignoring me or they don’t hear me loud enough. I even repeat myself more than, two times even three and they still don’t hear me so I just stay to myself.

*SIGH*

I hate feeling this way all the time. I have a therapist but I won’t be able to see her until Sepetemeber and that’s to long if, you ask me.

I need a therapist I can talk to almost everyday with my problems and in person but with masks.

I have my diary but that’s not enough for me.

I cried over a movie today an old one called “Raise your voice” near the ending where her brother got in a car accident and died but she didn’t and she dedicated a song to him and not gonna lie it reminded me so much of my Grandpa except he got cancer and died from it. Luckily, we live close to his grave and I get to see him even more now. Last time, I went to see him I broke down.

How can I go and see his grave without breaking down and talking to him ?

It’s been a minute since I last time saw him. I’ve been meaning to put flowers on his grave. I will  eventually.

I do miss him deeply. I’ve lost three people in my life. One with gun violence, cancer and covid.

What a sad, sad, world we live in.

– A