A Corrosive Fairytale

In a Grimm turn of events, both of my crazy friends have managed to leave our friend circle in a blaze of glory. Ironically enough, they lit each others’ fuses…

Once upon a time, there was a girl who had a rougher childhood than most of us and a boy who had a rougher adulthood than most of us. Both turned out slightly sideways, but well-meaning, in lieu of said events. One day, boy meets girl, in the wake of bad breakups. Girl makes boy feel special. Boy makes girl feel safe. Friends shake their heads in foreshadowed disarray.

Eventually, this relationship storm leads to an official break up 9 months in, after a few practice runs along the way. Boy is verbally abusive. Girl has not learned to control her emotions. Girl is heartbroken. Boy is guilt-ridden. Both of their issues have now been worsened by the other. Girl signs off friend circle, not wanting to deal with faces she associates with boy, despite the fact that she knew us all beforehand. It doesn’t matter that we put her up for months after previous breakups. It doesn’t matter that we were each others’ first friends in our new lives in TX 7 years ago. No, we all have the same face as this boy, now. Get over it.

Boy is broken by breaking said girl. He remains sane but sad and decides to date Princess A, one of my best friends. "Can we stop the pillaging, please?" I want to say. But what comes out is, "I didn’t see this coming, but if you both think it’s a good idea…" Naturally, Boy goes nuts after Princess A says something a little more "Paper Bag Princess" and a little less "Cinderella". His last words to her were "You have the empathy of a bag of rocks. I hate you." He doesn’t understand why he owes her an apology.

Boy continues to spiral. Prince D (my Charming!) comes in to rescue the Duke in Despair.  Lends an ear, offers a helping hand. Boy feels patronized and storms out of the house, vowing never to speak to D again. I  have a calm sway with this boy, and take it upon myself to play Fairy Godmother via some good coffee and porch time. Boy apologizes to D, not to other friend. We’re half way there. Until…

Last night, boy texts D, asking why he was not invited to an impromptu scrimmage, which only 3 of the guys were at/invited to. This is not a party. D says he is welcome to come by and quotes my previous line to ease the beast that could show at said event. All is well for 30 minutes until Boy eventually has a full on melt down at the bar about how he’s being treated like shit (despite the multiple times D has reached out to him this week alone…) and proceeds to try to get D to duel him. D gets his stuff to leave and, in a chivalrous gesture, shakes hands with his scrimmage pals, and even has the decency to extend a hand to Boy. Boy glares at him and proceeds to tell him that I have confided in him that I don’t love D and that I have every intention of fucking other guys in my lifetime. A, blatent bullshit. B, he has now thrown his now ONLY peacemaker under the bus. Let’s hear it for the Boy.

And they lived unhappily ever after.

The way I see it, it backtracks like this:

Girl does not meet Boy. Boy is not brokenhearted. Boy does not feel a void to fill with a strange friends-with-benefits like relationship with Princess A. Friend does not get hurt. D does not have to intervene. Boy does not explode. All is well. The end.

But alas, Crazy met Crazy and shit shattered. I’m trying not to take it personally…