Quiet Times

I’m introverted, and highly sensitive. I’ve totally accepted both of these aspects of myself, but at the same time, they make me – uncomfortable.

I’m trying to become more self-confident, too. Trying to feel more secure in who I am – every aspect of who I am, not just the ones that I think that other people will approve of.

Still, sometimes there are days – weeks – where I’m just – unsure. Of everything. I can literally feel myself sinking down into – self-effacement and silence, because it feels ‘appropriate’.

But I’m learning, that I can’t really trust my judgment of appropriateness. It’s been – warped – for years, because of my own fears and feelings of lack.

And so.

Mrr.

I’m not really saying anything new, you know, I’m just trying to write my way out of doing the same old things that I usually do.

Speaking of which, I’m doing Nanowrimo this year. I’m debating on whether I want to do what I considered doing last year and totally putzed out on, or if I’m going to be totally different, and just sit down and start writing, this time.

I think I’ll be different, and bold, and just write, for once. Actually get into the spirit of Nano – No Plot, No Problem!

I’m fighting envy and jealousy too, and the thought just occured to me that maybe I shouldn’t fight – just accept them. Don’t fight feeling that way, just accept that I do, and that you know, it’s okay to feel that way, sometimes. It’s not productive, no, but one doesn’t always have to be productive in order to move forward, do you?

I’m rambling, yes. But, it’s – it’s a needful thing, right now.

Maybe I’ll write a poem, later.

Or, maybe I won’t. Who knows.