winter’s tomb

have you ever had an emotion that held to your heart like a forceful hand that threatings to squeeze the very life away until the beating has been reduced to a dead stop? that is how i feel today. winter is dead, but now i have new worries to haunt my bed, horrors to replay over and over again in my head. i don’t want these feelings, but having a broken heart is kinda like having a bad head cold, you didn’t want it but you have it anyways. my new apartment has almost lost that fresh paint smell, and in the distance i can hear the chiming of the prayer bell… bright bars of yellow pour out across the wooden floor, and a familiar claw scratches at the door. i put on some music to mask the pain, a new shirt to hide that my heart has a stain. she never wanted more than rented hands, arms to hold her when the ones she wanted were away. she didn’t want  a love to last a lifetime, she wanted a picket fence and time to sip her wine. and can i blame her? who would want to toil for the rest of their lives when they could take it easy? oh, i just feel foolish! you know? it’s embarrassing when you find out that you were nothing but a side project, a convient waste of time of time while someone waited for their ring.

the only two hearts that i know will stick together are the ones on my Mirado Black Warrior pencil.

i was hoping ours could. i was hoping, hoping you would give me a chance but hoping is pointless,

and now you’re wearing his ring. i thanked you for supper and having me over, you said,

"i haven’t had you yet", do you joke like that because you don’t know i love you, or because you do?

and when you text me at one thirty in the morning to tell me you’re engaged what do you want me to say?

honestly… i don’t know what to say. i want to say, "What were those words, kisses, nights shared together?"

but whats the point, you said "yes" and i’m tired of fighting for and proving this love. i hope you’re very happy.

eric w. desselle